


Love, Captain America

by Hidden_in_the_trees



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Emails, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Identity Porn, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-21
Packaged: 2019-03-10 21:40:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13510302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_in_the_trees/pseuds/Hidden_in_the_trees
Summary: Dear Iron Man: I saw your post about how hard being in the closet is. I just wanted to say, that I'm in the closet too. So we can be closeted together...ha, forget that. But I hope you know you're not alone.LoveCaptain AmericaOr two idiots falling in love through emails.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I just finished Simon Vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda and I loved it so much that it inspired me to write my first ever Stony fic. I also feel like there isn't nearly enough high school AU in the world.  
> I don't own the book or the Avengers.

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: hello??  
Date: 10/04/16 7:30 am

Hi there. I saw your post, about the whole…gay thing, and I got your message, which is pretty obvious since I now am emailing you. Okay. Just wanted to say, you’re not alone. I haven’t told anyone, well besides you. But you don’t know who I am so…does it count? Anyways, didn’t really know what else to say besides you’re not alone and maybe we could be in this together, being gay and all that. How long have you known? I think I’ve always known, but I’ve only had a name for it recently if that makes any sense.   
Anyways, I hope to hear back from you soon.  
Captain America  
PS I like your email name.

Steve closed his laptop and breathed out a long sigh. He contemplated sending that email for almost a full week, ever since someone had posted on the school’s tumblr about how sucky it was to be gay. Yes, his school was so extra that they had a tumblr page. Sometimes people would post deep dark secrets, but mostly it was for sharing memes about teachers. Steve almost immediately sent an anon PM to the user that just said:   
Relatable. 

The person had only responded with their email and no further instructions.

What the hell was he supposed to do with that? Were they supposed to become some sort of closeted gay pen pals? Did people still have pen pals? Why was this human so mysterious, why couldn’t they have sent anymore instructions for what they wanted out of Steve. God. 

One would think that after finally getting a growth spurt and finally becoming somewhat conventionally attractive would have helped Steve with his social skills, but alas, he just lived to defy all expectations.

But he had did it! And he was one step closer to having a secret gay confidant, or maybe a boyfriend. Ha…he could dream. 

His phone buzzed and that could only be Bucky. He quickly grabbed his backpack and shoved a bagel into his mouth (most important meal of the day) before running outside. Bucky was waiting outside and was holding a cup of coffee in his hand.

“You take forever to get ready,” Bucky said and barely even paused to wait for Steve before he took off in the direction of the subway station. 

“What? I came out as soon as you texted me!”

“Yeah, but just like in general, you’re a tardy person.”

Steve and Bucky had walked to school together since well…since they had started going to school. Bucky lived down the block from him and they had met on the first day of kindergarten. Bucky shared his oatmeal cookie during snack time and well, the rest was history.

Sometimes Steve got a little twinge of guilt that he hadn’t told Bucky about his whole…gay thing. If there was going to be anyone he would tell, it would be Bucky. Well, probably his Mom, but then it definitely would be Bucky. 

It was just hard to tell someone who you had known for almost your whole life that well…well, you weren’t exactly the person they thought you were. What if Bucky only liked the straight Steve? What if he turned out to be a huge homophobe? What if their whole friendship was built solely on their supposed shared heterosexuality and if Steve came out the whole thing would come crashing down?

Of course this was all insane. Bucky had a sister who was bisexual and he didn’t care, but still. There were a lot of what ifs…too many to know. 

It just kinda sucked to have to come out at all. Couldn’t the standard sexuality be anything else besides heterosexual? Couldn’t there just be no standard and everyone had to come out? 

One could dream.

But now they were juniors. He only had one more year after this with Bucky and then after that, they would be going their separate ways. Time was ticking and he felt it every single day…this secret that weighed heavily on his heart. 

“Did you finish the physics assignment last night? I swear to god that Dr. Doom is an actual super villain, I mean his name is literally Doom,” Bucky said as they waited for their train to approach.

Steve shrugged. “Nah, if anyone at school is a villain, it’s Fury. He has an eyepatch.”

“That’s discrimination. But anyways, did you figure it out? Because I definitely did not.”

“I mean if by figure it out you mean did I understand it? Then no. But I did complete it. You know he only takes it as completion.”

“Oh my god, who are you? You mean to tell me that Mr. Straight Ass is half assing his homework?” Bucky grabbed Steve’s shoulder and pretended to faint. “Oh Lord above, help me, I feel faint. Everything is upside down, black is white, up is down, the very foundations of our world are fucked.”

Steve shoved his friend off of him. “Pull it together, our train is here. And I was really tired from football last night.”

The two waited for everyone to get off, like all normal and decent people should do, and then hopped on the subway. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot you’re Mr. Johnny Football now. How does it feel to finally be at the top of the high school social pyramid instead of some skinny little asthmatic kid who couldn’t eat shellfish?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I still can’t eat shellfish. And this isn’t some stupid TV show, just because you’re on the football team doesn’t automatically make you popular.”  
“Okay, but you gotta admit you’ve noticed Sharon was giving you heart eyes in practically every class.”

There it was…that twinge at the bottom of his gut. Bucky was obsessed with his plan of Get Steve Rogers a Girlfriend. This all started when Bucky finally got a date with the one and only Natasha Romanova during the summer and ever since Bucky is convinced that the secret to life is to get a girlfriend.

Steve didn’t need to explain why that was problematic. It was fairly obvious, right? 

“I don’t have time for a girlfriend.”

Bucky groaned. “Ugh, you’re so lame.”

“Hey! I am not lame. Did I tell you about this sick World War two documentary I watched over the weekend,” Steve said and smirked to himself at seeing Bucky pretend to claw out his eyes. 

They got to their stop and started the quick walk to school. “Okay, then are you at least going to take a break from being a super nerd and come to Sam’s party on Friday?” At the look of hesitation on Steve’s face, Bucky quickly continued. “Come on! It’s the first weekend you don’t have football and it’s going to be super fun and I’ll be there and so will some ladies.” He waggled his eyebrows.

“I’ll think about it, but it’s only Tuesday. How are you already planning for the weekend?”

“Steve, this is America. How else do you survive if you’re not living for the weekend?”

“Touche.” 

The second they crossed on school grounds, Steve couldn’t help but look around. Ever since he had found out there was another closeted gay kid at school, he was obsessed with trying to find out who it was. Well, not obsessed per-say, but he did think about it a lot. 

There were a few out kids at school already and they tended to group together and Steve didn’t think that his anonymous friend was part of that group. But besides that, he hadn’t ruled out anyone. There were almost fifteen hundred people at his school and Steve was on a gay witch hunt. 

God, he wished his gayder was a million times better. 

He didn’t know what he was looking for so he looked for people like him. Maybe they too were constantly having to fight off their well-meaning best friend who wanted to set them up with a girl or maybe they too had just had a huge growth spurt and was on the starting line on football.

Probably not.

There were still a few minutes before class started and Steve saw the usual suspects hanging outside, and by usual suspects he meant his only two other friends, Peggy and Sam. Natasha was there but Steve didn’t know if they had crossed over into friend territory just yet, they had only just exchanged phone numbers a few weeks ago. She was still just the woman who was banging his best friend.

At least he assumed they were having sex. He preferred to live in the dark about Bucky’s sex life.

Sam and Peggy appeared to be in a heated discussion and Steve turned to make a comment to Bucky, but then he saw that his friend had already run off to Nat. 

Typical.

“No way! Jaime Lannister is clearly the superior swordsman, he’s the best in the whole show.”

Peggy scoffed. “Yeah, maybe when he still had two hands, but everyone knows you can’t beat Brienne of Tarth! She’s the best.”

“I don’t know.”

“She beat the fucking Hound.”

“Yeah, but she couldn’t beat a measly bear.”

“Oh my god, she didn’t even have her sword. Steve, please back me up here and tell Sam that he’s being incredibly sexist.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you guys are talking about,” Steve said, talking over Sam’s shout of protest.

Both of them turned to look at him. “You still haven’t seen Game of Thrones?” “What are you doing with your life?” Both of them said at the same time.

“I don’t have HBO,” Steve said. “I’m going to class, see y’all there.” He laughed to himself as Peggy and Sam stood dumbstruck behind him. TV had never really been his forte and it constantly left him at odds with Peggy and Sam, but now between football and homework and hanging out with his mom, he had no idea how anyone had any extra time to watch hours upon hours of whatever the hell Game of Thrones was about.

His first class was Calculus and there were only a few others sitting inside since the bell hadn’t rung yet. One of those people was Clint Barton who was also on the football team.

Steve joined the team freshman year, but he had been, well, he was terrible. But then he started to grow and spent all summer working in the gym or pouring concrete outside and he finally was a force to be reckoned with. As his mother liked to say, his body caught up with his fighting spirit.   
So this year he made Varsity, and it was like he had joined a secret society. All the other football players gave him nods in the hallway and they invited him to their parties and they sat next to each other in class. 

None of this had happened before, but now he was officially one of them, a brother.

It felt sort of cultish at times, especially with all their rituals the team had like how you could only wash your jersey on a Monday or how you couldn’t even speak the name of their rival high school, they were simply referred to as “The Others”. And this was freaking New York, not even the South where high school football was an actual thing.

But it did expand Steve’s social circle and he always had someone to sit next to in class.

Steve sat down next to Clint who gave him “The Nod” and then he returned to his conversation with the person sitting next to him.

Tony Stark.

It was big news when Tony had transferred the previous winter. The school tumblr had blown up with rumors about why a billionaire’s son was attending public school, but Tony had never confirmed nor denied any of them. In fact, someone with a giant reputation as a party boy, he surprisingly flew under the radar for the most part. 

Sure, occasionally a photo of Tony at a house party would pop up on the school tumblr, usually with the caption: TONY STARK DRANK MY ALCOHOL. But otherwise, Steve didn’t hear too much about him, and his friends were giant gossips.

From what Steve could overhear, Clint and Tony were discussing some basketball game that had happened last night. He didn’t really care and pulled out his phone. He fiddled around on some random apps before he finally gave in and checked his secret email.

The one he had emailed the secret gay boy with.

No answer.

It’s fine. He’ll respond. It’s only been like an hour. 

But he still was internally panicking. This was why he always responded to texts and emails right away, he hated to make people wait. God, why didn’t everyone else have this sort of discipline?

“Let’s ask Rogers.” At the sound of his name, Steve looked up from his phone and saw Clint and Tony looking at him. 

“Ask me what?”

“Nah, don’t ask him. He’s practically a grandpa, he doesn’t know about any pop culture,” Clint said with a teasing smirk. 

Okay, maybe one time Steve had made the mistake of asking who Nicki Minaj was in front of the football team. Part of being in the football cult meant that nothing was ever forgotten, especially not a blunder like that. 

“But this isn’t just pop culture, this is about sports, something I hope Rogers knows a little bit about,” Tony shout him a smile. 

Steve felt slightly paralyzed. He had never really had a one on one with Tony, sure they were in a few classes together, but he had never really sat down and been acknowledged by Tony. It was hard to not be intimidated, this guy could actually buy Steve. He probably wouldn’t because that was illegal, but still.

“Okay, fine. Steve what do you think about the Cavs’ chance for winning the championship again?” Clint asked.

Oh right, they were talking about basketball. This wasn’t like talking about Game of Thrones with Sam and Peggy, Tony was right, this was sports, something he should know since now he was officially a “jock.” And he didn’t want Tony to see that he kind of was a grandpa in terms of how little he knew about current events.

World War Two? Sure. Picasso’s blue period? Anytime. Ask him about the Kardashians, useless.

He really should keep a notebook and write down things to google privately so he could at least pretend that he was knew what was hip. 

God, was he actually ninety? 

Okay, right, Tony and Clint expect an answer because that’s how conversation works. He opened his mouth to give a prepared and sophisticated answer about the intricacies of the NBA and how Kevin Durant signing on with the Warriors changed the rankings when the bell rang.

He breathed out a sigh of relief. God bless.

“Tell us later,” Tony said and gave Steve a wink, almost like he knew about Steve’s internal struggle. 

Their teacher walked in and Steve was able to turn off his brain for the most part. One thing that helped ease all of one’s anxieties about a certain email with a certain someone was learning about derivatives. 

Steve didn’t think about the email at all (no seriously, he really didn’t) for the rest of the day. He was occupied during lunch by everyone enthusiastically discussing who was going to come to Sam’s house on Friday. Sam wanted Steve to use his connections with his new cult to get the football team to come and Bucky dropped several hints that Sharon would be there along with several cheerleaders and Steve had to try to stop from hopping on the table and shouting:

“I’M GAY SO I DON’T GIVE A FUCK IF THERE ARE CHEERLEADERS AT THE PARTY BUT IF THERE ARE MALE SOCCER PLAYERS THEN GREAT!”

But yeah, other than that, normal day.

He was sitting in the locker room waiting for practice to start when his phone buzzed. He pulled it out, not expecting much, but then his heart almost jumped out of his throat when he saw that it was a notification. For an email. From his secret account.

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: hello?  
Date: 10/04/16 4:06 pm

Well hello there. I was beginning to think you had forgotten about me, but am very pleased to see that you haven’t.   
It is nice to know you’re out there, whoever you are Captain America. It’s easy to feel surrounded by an ocean, an ocean of people who think that they know you and what you want. But no one knows who you really are. Well, except for you now.  
I haven’t told anyone, but I’ve always known. My first kiss was sort of a spectacle in that it was an orgy, well as much of an orgy that a twelve year old can have. It was during one of my father’s parties and I was with some other kids and we played spin the bottle, naturally. But then it turned into everyone taking turns kissing each other, and even then, I liked to kiss the boys more than the girls.   
I understand what you mean by only recently having a name for it. It’s hard to put a name on some part of yourself, especially something like this.  
Iron Man  
PS I hope you really are Captain America because THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.

Steve was smiling, he was grinning from ear to ear like a damn fool. He responded. He really did. And not just responded, but with insightful comments about sexuality and a funny story about his first kiss.

And damn, what a kiss. Steve’s first kiss had been last year when a girl had given him a quick peck at a party and Steve was almost one hundred percent that Bucky told her to do it since Steve was complaining how no one was ever going to love him since he was allergic to peanuts (amongst other things) and skinny and had no social skills.

Well, now he was at least somewhat buff, but he still had no idea how to talk to anyone new. But emailing? Well, apparently he could do that.

He wanted to respond right away, but Brock the team captain was already yelling at everyone to get their girly asses on the field.

Steve reluctantly put his phone back in his locker and followed the rest of the team onto the field. Iron Man would be waiting for him once he returned.

Oh great, now he was smiling again.

 

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Everything sucks  
Date: 10/07/16 4:21 pm

Hey Iron Man,  
So get this. It’s my first weekend off in like forever and all I really want to do is collapse on my bed and eat a bag of Reese’s, but my friends are forcing me to be social. Isn’t that just terrible of them? I mean, I work so hard, I deserve some candy and alone time. (No, not like that, I promise).   
Okay, I don’t mean to be so melodramatic. It’s just, sometimes I feel like an outsider even amongst my best friends. I always feel like I’m two steps behind the conversation and it’s just exhausting sometimes. And then there’s the whole secret gay thing and well, yeah. You can see why I just want to be by myself with candy.   
Anyways, I hope you’re okay! You mentioned an explosion in the last email and it would really be unfortunate if you were to blow up because I’m starting to like you.   
Captain America

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Everything sucks  
Date: 10/07/16 4:56

Hey, Cap  
Oh man, your life is just soooo terrible. Woe is me, I’m Captain America and I have to go socialize. It’ll be fun. I promise. Well, not like I can control the future or anything, but if it really does suck you can always make up some sort of excuse like: “I can only poop in my own bathroom” and leave. Full disclosure, I have said that before and it works surprisingly well.  
But I understand about the loneliness even while you’re surrounded by friends, especially when you have this whole being in the closet thing. I don’t have any advice since I myself am the worst with this, but all I can say is…I’m sure they love you for who you are?   
God that sounds awful even for my low standards.  
Hahahaha. The explosion wasn’t that big of a deal, but I did have to spin some crazy story to my father to explain why our microwave no longer existed. And for the record, I’m starting to like you too.  
Now, get out there and be a crazy high school hooligan! Paint the town red! And remember the poop excuse!  
Iron Man  
PS Reese’s are the worst candy and everyone knows that Snickers are far superior. 

“Promise me if you drink you’ll do it responsibly,” Steve’s mom said. They were both standing in the kitchen and Steve was emptying the dishwasher. His mother worked crazy hours and it was rare for them to be able to have dinner together, but tonight they did. And he made the mistake of saying he was going to a party. And now they were having this discussion and Steve really wished he was a better liar.

“I promise.”

“Not saying that you can’t drink, but if you do-“

“Do it responsibly. I know. I probably won’t even drink,” Steve grumbled. “I don’t even know why I’m going to this thing.”

“Then don’t go.”

“It’s more complicated than that. Bucky already thinks I’m some sort of hermit and I’m the whole reason that the football guys are even going to Sam’s so I have an obligation to show up for them. And I already promised everyone I would go and it’d be shitty of me to not go.”

Steve’s mom held up her hands. “Excuse me, I forgot how intricate the social life of a teenager is. Just promise me you’ll try to have fun.”

“I promise.”

She reached out and grabbed his chin. “Actually, I order you to have fun. You spend way too much time moping in your room, you’re seventeen, have a little fun.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile. “I will. And I don’t mope in my room.”

She gave him a look and Steve shrugged. “Alright, maybe I do. But I promise, I’ll try to have fun.” He stepped out of his mom’s grip. 

“Good. And if you don’t, I’ll ground you.” 

“That makes no sense.”

“It doesn’t have to. I’m the mom and you’re the child. I don’t care if you’re all of a sudden some buff football star, I’m still you’re mother.”

“Yeah, yeah.” But deep down inside, he felt a warmth grow. He loved when his mom was home, with her he didn’t feel like an outsider, he just felt like Steve. 

His phone buzzed. “That’s probably Bucky. I better get going.” He checked his phone and yep, it was Bucky. The text message read:

ARE YOU READY TO GET LIT!

And then there was a long string of beer emojis.

“Alright, have fun! I mean it.”

“Bye mom,” Steve shouted after him as he ran out the door. 

Bucky was alone which was slightly surprising. Steve supposed that Nat was going to meet them at Sam’s house. What wasn’t surprising was that Bucky was holding a bottle of…something. Probably alcohol.

Bucky’s party motto was all about the pre game. He claimed if you showed up at a party sober, you already lost the night. 

“Steve! Are you ready to have the best night of your life?” Bucky practically shouted.

Steve was about to respond with a sarcastic response, but then he remembered what his mom said and what Iron Man said and decided that maybe he should turn off the cynical part of his brain and just have fun.

“Fuck yeah,” Steve said with a sly grin.

“Oh my god. You swore. This really is going to be an amazing night! Come on, I already ordered us an uber.” Bucky held out his bottle and Steve took a large sip.

Yep. That’s alcohol. He tried to hide the fact that his eyes were watering and handed the bottle back.

Bucky managed to finish his drink before the uber pulled up and he chucked the bottle into a nearby recycling can. They entered the car and he pulled another drink out of…somewhere.

“Where was that?” Steve asked. 

Bucky didn’t respond and just held out the second drink as an offering. Steve took another sip and felt some bile rise up in his throat.

God, he was bad at being a hooligan.

They pulled up at Sam’s and when they entered the house, they were greeted with the loud noise of house music.

One of the best things about their high school was that parties usually started at nine and were over relatively early in the night. It was almost as if the whole school had agreed that they just wanted to get drunk early in the night and go to bed early. So even though it was barely nine o’ clock, Sam’s house was already packed with sweaty bodies.

Bucky immediately left Steve’s side, probably to go grind with Nat or someone. Steve made his way throughout the house, every now and then a football player would clasp him on the shoulder or give him “the Nod.” 

It felt good to walk into a house party and have people recognize his presence. He knew that it was probably just because he was a football player and had abs, but it still felt nice. A small part of his brain wondered if people would act the same if they knew he was gay, but then he turned that part of his brain off.

This was a night to have fun. He was determined to have fun.

Maybe if he said it enough, it would happen. 

Someone pushed a cup into his hand and he took a large sip. Fuck it. Let’s get drunk.

He wondered if Iron Man drank. 

“Steve! You actually came!” Sam shouted.

“Yes, why are you so surprised?”

“I don’t know man, I’m just so happy to see you here!” Yep, Sam was drunk. Drunk Sam was apparently very touchy for he slung an arm around Steve’s shoulders. “Damn man, you have such broad shoulders. Maybe I should join the football team, get all the babes.”

“Got anymore drinks?” Steve asked because all of a sudden, his cup was empty. How did that happen? 

Sam gave him a giant grin and then grabbed Steve’s hand and led him to the kitchen where yes, there was a shit ton of alcohol. Steve didn’t really look at any of the labels and just poured some into a cup. 

Sam handed him a jug of juice and he poured some of that too and took a sip. It actually wasn’t terrible. Maybe he was buzzed, maybe it was the juice, or maybe he was actually starting to have fun.

Sam slapped his back and said into his ear, “Okay, I’m going to go see if the lovely girl from my physics class is here.”

Ugh, disgusting. But really Steve couldn’t blame him. He would totally go and grind on someone if…well…if someone was here. Was Iron Man here? He should go find him. Wait, he didn’t know anything about Iron Man except that he was really really good at writing emails and was also gay and ugh.

More alcohol.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” a strange voice said next to him and Steve was startled out of his thoughts to see Tony standing in front of him.

Tony Stark. Was talking to him? Brain doesn’t compute. 

“Why not?” Yeah, why not. He was fun. He was tired of people not thinking he was fun because he so was. He had gained like thirty pounds of muscle, he played football, he was fun. Just because he was a closeted gay didn’t mean he couldn’t have fun!

“The way Barton talked about you made it seem like you were some sort of hermit who never went outside,” Tony took a sip from his own cup. 

Ah yes, alcohol. More. “Well, I’ve had a change of heart.”

“Ah yes, I can see that. What are you drinking there?”

“Something with something…it tastes great, do you want any?” Steve held out his cup and a little liquid splashed down the side and onto his hand. Great, now it was going to be sticky.

Tony eyed his outstretched cup with suspicion. “You know, you’re never supposed to accept drinks from people at parties, even if they do look like a golden retriever.”

Steve blushed. “What? Me? No way, no way would I drug you or anything. I’m not, I’m not that kind of guy, you should know that.” Why were his words not coming out right? Fuck, was he drunk? Oh my god, he was drunk. In front of Tony Stark. The man who could buy his whole fucking family.

Oh my god.

Tony only chuckled. “It seems like you’re having a great time. Well, I’ll see you around Rogers.”

“What? Where are you going?”

“It’s a party, and I’m Tony Stark. I should probably make the rounds, talk to people, I am basically like a god to some people.”

“Are you joking? That sounds like a joke. I hope you’re joking because that’s a douchey thing to say otherwise.”

“Yes. I was joking. I actually gotta go make sure my friend hasn’t made a fool of himself in front of the girl he likes. He’s kinda like you, trips over his words a lot.”

“How do you know anything about me?” Steve squinted his eyes at Tony.

“I pay attention and I listen. See you around Rogers,” and Tony patted him on the bicep. It wasn’t like when the football guys did it or even when Sam did it. It was more like a “Hey, nice seeing you here and hope to see you later,” kind of deal.

Or maybe not. What the hell did Steve know, he was drunk! This was great, he was free. He took his cup and headed back out into the crowd. He needed to dance. He was going to dance. 

Man, he couldn’t wait to tell Iron Man all about this. He didn’t even need to make up an excuse to go home. Nope, this was great. Everything was fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written while watching State of the Union and chugging lots of beers to deal with the state of our nation hahaha...

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: HiiiiIIII  
Date: 10/08/16 12:02 am

HIIIIII! I hope this doesn’t wake you up! I hope you’re having greatttttt dreams and you probably look so cute sleeping.  
WAs that weird? Too soon? Or not soon enough???? I may or may not be DRUNK but who cares! I may be the first person ever to drunk email hahahaha. Isn’t it weird how we email. Why no text? I mean I know we just “met” can you even call this meeting? What arreee we? Friends? Lovers? No, not lovers. you need to sex for that. OkKAAYYY. I hope you have a great night, just like I'm having haha.   
Do you think i should come out  
fuck i dont know  
too deep.   
sleep now  
cap <3

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: oh my god  
Date: 10/08/16 10:24 am

Dear Iron Man,  
Oh my god. I am so sorry. Can you imagine my horror when I wake up this morning and see that I freaking sent you an email while I was drunk out of my mind? God. I am officially never drinking ever again. It is not worth the embarrassing things I say/do, nor the god awful headache. Why did no one ever tell me that hangovers are so terrible? How do people ever drink more than once a year, this is just awful.  
Anyways, I did have fun last night, as you can probably tell from my HORRIFYING email. Just please forget you ever read any of that. I feel like such a freaking doofus. I didn’t even drink that much last night, just whatever my friend gave me, but he is basically a high-functioning alcoholic so maybe I should never listen to him again when it comes to alcohol. Or girls. Or life in general actually.  
Okay, again, I am so sorry. I hope you had a better Friday night than I did, and that you’re not currently dying in your bed right now like I am.  
If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go die in a hole now. Goodbye.

Sincerely  
Captain America

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: oh my god  
Date: 10/08/16 11:01

Oh Captain America, you sweet, poor, drunk, soul.  
I must say that your drunken email was truly a work of literature. It belongs in museums, in anthologies alongside the works of Charles Dickens and Faulkner and some other boring white guy.  
You have no reason to apologize, I have sent my fair share of drunk texts (and voicemails and one time I ever showed up at my friend’s house completely shit faced and made them play Settlers of Catan with me). I hope you’ll forgive me if I don’t share my phone number with you just yet. It’s not that I don’t want to text, but I quite like what we have going on right now, this whole secret identity thing. Makes me feel like we’re superheroes, except our superpower is being gay.   
I just feel like my whole life has been so…public and open. I like having this one thing, us, to myself. I don’t know what we are, but I hope it doesn’t stop for a long time.   
My Friday night was typical, spent it surrounded by people who I don’t really know and talked a lot of bullshit about things I don’t really care about. But things can only go up from here, right?  
Drink lots of water, that’s the secret to avoiding hangovers. :)  
Feel better, I would certainly hate it if you were to die so soon into our relationship.  
Iron Man

“How come you didn’t respond to any of my messages on Saturday?” Peggy asked. It was Monday and it was lunch time and Steve was sitting with the usual crowd. His headache had finally subsided yesterday and he managed to get at least half of his homework done. But he still was dreading football practice that afternoon, his stomach was still queasy. 

Steve pushed his lunch around on the tray. “I could barely move. No way was I able to get out of bed and hang out.”

“Aw, our little Stevie had his first hangover,” Sam said and ruffled Steve’s hair.

“I might still barf on you.”

Sam immediately retracted his hand and inched a little further away.

“Well, you missed out. We went to the mall and got our Halloween costumes.” 

“Aren’t we a little old for costumes? I mean I feel like once you start driving you shouldn’t be going around trick or treating.”

“Who said anything about trick or treating? We’ve now reached the stage of life where Halloween is the greatest party night of the year and now that you’re hot shit on the football team we have an into Clint Barton’s Halloween party,” Bucky said. He had torn himself away from staring into Nat’s eyes long enough to pay attention to what the conversation was about.

“What is that like a big deal?”

Sam facepalmed. “You have got to be kidding me. You don’t even deserve this new level of popularity!”

“Well, that’s kind of rude.”

“I’m kidding. But seriously Steve, your homework from now until Halloween is to get us all invites to Clint’s party.”

“How am I supposed to do that?”

“Well, you could start by talking to him first of all,” Bucky said. Steve rolled his eyes and looked at Peggy for some actual advice.

Peggy must have read his mind. “Just be nice to him, hang out with him during practice. You guys share classes right, maybe start a study group. You guys are teammates, so it shouldn’t be too hard.”

“No, the tricky part is making sure we all get invited,” Sam said and made a large gesture to the rest of the lunch table.

“Is it really that exclusive? Like, do we need invitations?”

“Not exactly. But it’s not like my house, you can’t just show up, it’d be weird and everyone would be giving us the side eye the whole time. So it’d be nice to make sure that Barton like…is cool with us.”

Steve rolled his eyes. Sometimes he felt like his friends were making up the rules of the social hierarchy in high school. It really should not be this big of a deal to just go to a party, especially with someone like Barton. Barton never really struck Steve as someone particularly intimidating. Even though they were the same age, Steve had a feeling that Barton might have a secret family out on a farm somewhere, kids and all.

“Oh! And get to know his friends, become part of his ‘circle,’” Peggy exclaimed. She used air quotes when she said circle.

Steve groaned. “This sounds like a whole lot of work just to go to a stupid Halloween party.”

“If you don’t then we bought our costumes for nothing and are going to be spending Halloween night watching lame movies in my basement and hating ourselves,” Bucky said and stood up from the table. “Okay ladies, I gotta go talk to a certain teacher about a certain grade. Bye babe.” He blew a kiss to Nat.

Steve made eye contact with Natasha for the first time the whole lunch. They didn’t really talk a lot, but he had a feeling that she knew more than she was letting on. Steve lifted his hand in a half-hearted wave and Natasha blew a bubble with her gum in response.

“Nat, don’t you and Barton go way back?” Peggy asked. Bless her heart for her constant attempts to include Natasha in their social lives, but Steve was personally just fine with leaving Bucky’s scary girlfriend out of his life entirely.

Nat nodded. “Yeah.” And she turned to Steve. “Just don’t be weird around him and he’ll totally be down with all of you guys coming to his party. I’ll put in a good word too.”

“Wow! You’re the best!” Sam exclaimed. “I knew there was a reason we kept you around.”

The bell rang and the cafeteria was filled with the sounds of benches scraping against the ground and footsteps as everyone simultaneously got up and headed to their next class.

“Hey,” Steve said, “Thanks for that. I didn’t want to be in charge of planning all that out. My friends can be a little…well, you know.” He waved his hand in the air.

“Yeah, I know. Bucky complains about them too, especially Sam. But you seem chill,” Nat said and then she was off. Steve was stunned. Nat gave him a compliment. He thought she hated him. He thought she hated well, everyone.

A stupid grin broke across his face. God, he must look like an idiot, standing still and smiling to himself.

“What’s so funny?” a now familiar voice said and Steve was startled out of his stupor.

“Oh, hey,” Steve said and felt a blush come across his cheeks. “Um, nothing, just-well, yeah, nothing.”

Tony’s face didn’t reveal any of his inner thoughts, but Steve thought he saw a small twitch of his mouth. “You coming to physics?” he asked after a heartbeat.

Oh, yeah, right, they shared that class together too. Was Tony offering to walk with him to class? Was that what was happening here? Better not to ask, just go with it. “Oh yeah, let’s go.” Steve grabbed his backpack and headed off with Tony fucking Stark down the hall.

“Did you have a good rest of your night on Friday? You were pretty drunk when I saw you,” Tony said without a hint of judgement in his voice.

“Um, yeah, I kinda was. But it was…fun.”

God, what was wrong with him, why couldn’t he just form sentences like a normal human being? He wasn’t intimidated by Tony’s money or fame, well…not enough to make him sound like a babbling idiot. Maybe it was just the way that this was the second time in just a few days that Tony had initiated a conversation with him.

Steve wasn’t used to receiving this amount of attention from well…anyone outside of his cult of footballers or Bucky. 

Maybe this was just another perk of being conventionally attractive, rich people just came up and talked to you.

“Did you do the homework?” Steve asked after they had been walking for a few seconds in silence. He usually was fine with silence, but with Tony, there seemed to be this extra pressure to seem cool and interesting, maybe it was because the last time they had spoken Steve had been drunk off his ass.

“Yeah, it was alright.”

“Yeah…homework, sucks right?”

Tony chuckled. “It really does.”

Steve prayed to every god in existence that a hole in the Earth would open up and swallow him whole. Well, the next best thing was they arrived at their classroom and Tony left Steve’s side to go sit by his usual crowd. Steve tried to not look like he was rushing to go his usual seat on the other side of the room.

Bucky was still in a heated argument with their teacher and Steve smirked. The bell rang again and Dr Doom finally said, “ Mr Barnes, all my decisions are final. Please take a seat.”

Bucky groaned and sat down next to Steve. “This class is bullshit.”

Steve just nodded in support. 

Truth be told, the whole class kind of was bullshit and boring. He quickly tuned out Dr Doom’s lecture on Newton’s laws. His brain turned to his current favourite activity which was trying to figure out the identity of Iron Man. He had a running list going on his head of current suspects. Well, actually he had several lists.

There were people he knew it definitely wasn’t.

People who he had mini crushes on and wouldn’t be upset if it were them.

People he thought were strong maybes.

And of course, the people that whenever he looked at them, he would get strong butterflies in his stomach just thinking of them reading his emails…of them being gay…of them together, touching, kissing, having deep conversations into the night…

That last list was empty as of the moment. Steve had never really had any major crushes before. There had been a confusing time when he thought he was into Bucky in the ninth grade, but then realized that that would never work out and had to settle for just being friends.

He definitely found a lot of people attractive. There were Thor and T’Challa on the football team, both of whom were quite fine specimens. But Steve didn’t know if they really…connected on a spiritual level. 

But then again they hadn’t really had any substantial conversations before, so the jury was still out on them.

And Steve was almost definitely positive that Thor was straight since he was in an on again off again relationship with a certain Jane.

See, he really needed to buy a better gaydar.

Steve was staring off into space and then his eyes landed on a certain Tony. Hmm…that was a thought. Steve had never really thought of him before since he had always seemed like some far off celebrity.

However, now that they had had a handful of conversations, he seemed more approachable. And Steve felt like he was just now noticing Tony’s perfectly tanned skin, his long fingers.

Okay, maybe he belonged on a list. But no way was Tony Iron Man. There were literally dozens of photos of Tony hooking up with women at various parties. The school Tumblr was full of praise for Tony’s supposedly amazing tongue.

Yes, Steve knew that it was morally wrong to kiss and tell and he definitely never ever read someone’s sex story. It was Sam who did the reading and told him all about it.

Okay, so no Tony. Besides, Steve didn’t even know if he was attracted to him.

He had no idea what his type was, or even if he did have a type besides well, men. Maybe Bucky was right, maybe he just needed to get laid. That would certainly help him figure out what he wanted in a relationship.

But in order to do that, he had to come out first and well, that was about twenty steps ahead of where he was in his life.

Steve let out an audible sigh and Bucky turned to look at him.

“This is so confusing right,” Bucky whispered and gestured towards the board.

“Yeah,” Steve said, but he wasn’t talking about the physics.

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Boo!  
Date: 10/21/16 12:01pm

Did I scare you? With the whole boo? Ha, I know it’s lame, but just trying to get into the Halloween spirit. My friends have been obsessed with Halloween recently and we’re planning on going to this really big party and they can’t stop talking about it. So, you’re being forced to experience the same obsession as me.   
Can I tell you something? Sometimes I just get so…annoyed with my mom. I mean, I love her to death and she’s the greatest woman in the whole world and blah blah. But I guess that maybe since she’s a single parent, and she works a bunch, she feels super obligated to over support me sometimes.   
Like she even took off work to come watch me play tonight and I don’t know, I just feel like she shouldn’t have to do that and then it only makes me feel more guilty that I haven’t told her about me being well, gay. And I know that she would support me and she’ll love me no matter what and it’s just…why do only gay people have to come out? Why is this a thing I even have to do? Isn’t that kind of unfair? Maybe I’ve already ranted about this before, but it still just makes me angry. There’s just so many injustices in the world, couldn’t there be some fairness?   
Anyways, how’s your family? You never really talk much about them. And I promise I’m not trying to get you to admit some more clues about your super secret identity, I just am really curious. I like knowing things about my friends and I consider you to be my friend (and maybe something more…??)   
Cap

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Boo!  
Date: 10/21/16 3:23 pm

Oh, naughty Cap, emailing during school hours? I’m going to have to report you.   
Ah yes, Halloween. I personally have never been a big fan of the holiday. I never went trick or treating as a child and now it’s just another excuse to get shit faced on a weekday. No, I’m much more of an April Fool’s Day kind of boy. Planning out elaborate pranks is my shit.  
Oh Cap, your mom sounds like someone quite special. It must be hard to hide this from her, but also you have no reason to feel guilty. This is your personal secret, you don’t owe it to anyone. And like you said, she’ll love you no matter what, and when/if you ever come out, I can only imagine that she’ll have nothing but love for you. But of course, this is just all coming from what you’ve told me about her.   
My parents? They’re there. We’re not very close, my mother has her priorities and my father is very big on my future, but doesn’t care too much about what’s going on with me during the present if that makes any sense. I’m not out to them and I don’t think I ever will. They haven’t made too much of an effort to be involved in my life thus far and I don’t see any reason to inform them about this really personal part of my life.  
If it were up to me, the only people who would need to know about your sexuality would be you and your partner. But then again, I’ve just been wishing for more and more privacy recently. But I’m glad I have you, you’re like this sexy little hole I can throw all my hopes and dreams into.   
Oh, that came out much more dirty than I thought it would.   
But take it however you want ;).  
Iron Man  
PS You’ve been dropping a lot of hints about your identity, it’s almost like you want me to figure it out. I’m pretty smart, so I’m sure I could if I wanted, but for now I’ll pretend like I don’t know what your game is.  
PPS I’ll be in the stands tonight. See if you can spot me. I’ll be the secretly gay kid ;).

Steve couldn’t help himself, but he was periodically checking the stands every few seconds. Ever since he had read Iron Man’s email about how he was coming to his game, it was all he could think about.

He was here. They were in the same space, breathing the same air. Technically they had been doing that already since they went to the same school, but now it felt realer. He hoped Iron Man was impressed with his performance.

Of course Iron Man had no idea who he was, but still. 

“What are you doing, looking for your girlfriend?” someone said and nudged him in the side. 

Steve snapped his attention back to the team and saw that a few other players were snickering at him. He blushed and looked down at his feet. 

“At least he can get some. When was the last time you even managed to talk to a girl, Lang?” Barton said. 

That was certainly surprising. Sure, Steve and Barton were starting to become somewhat friends, but he still wasn’t expecting Barton to stand up for him, especially not during team huddle, and especially not against Scott Lang.

Scott looked like he was about to come up with a witty report, but he was cut off by their coach walking into the huddle.

“Okay, enough gossip, let’s get to what really matters in life and that’s football,” Coach Coulson said. There were a few murmurs of “yes sir”s amongst the crowd. 

Coulson was quick and to the point about going over their game plan. Steve was starting to feel the pre-game adrenalin build up as they went over the plan and then got together to do their traditional cheers.

Steve ended up smushed next to Brock their captain. He could feel Brock breathing right next to his left ear and almost jumped out of his skin when Brock whispered something. 

It was clear as day and when Steve heard it, his blood went cold. The chants of his team, the roar of the crowd, the yells of the cheerleaders, they all seemed to drown out in comparison to what he had just heard.

The team broke apart and began to get ready to play. Brock gave Steve a wink before putting on his helmet. Steve could only watch on, Brock’s words ringing throughout his head.

“I know your secret, Captain.


	3. Chapter 3

Steve somehow managed to play the rest of the game. Apparently, they won, but that was definitely no thanks to Steve. He definitely was not on his A-game as he spent almost the whole game with his head buzzing…Brock’s words were haunting him.

How could he know? How could he fucking know? Fucking Brock. It wasn’t like they were friends…in fact, almost the complete opposite. Brock was the dude Steve had spent his whole life trying to avoid. He was loud and brash and obnoxious and now he was one of two people in the world who knew his biggest fucking secret.

Oh my god, what if Brock was Iron Man and this was his stupid way of revealing his identity.

No way. Steve didn’t bother to spend any more time on that absurd theory. He was pretty sure Brock had a girlfriend and besides, he doubted that Brock had the mental capacity to write the eloquent emails that Iron Man sent him.

Okay, that was mean, but Steve was still reeling from everything that had happened.

After the game, his teammates gave him some fist bumps and nods which he returned just on autopilot. He pushed through the crowd of sweaty teenage boys to reach Brock.

Brock was standing by the water cooler discussing something with Scott Lang but as soon as Steve approached, he pushed Scott aside. “So Rogers, how was your game? You played pretty well out there, considering.” Brock gave him a once over with his eyes that made Steve’s skin crawl.

“How do you know?” Steve said through his clenched teeth. He was trying his best to be intimidating and he hoped it was working.

“Know what?”

Steve practically growled. “You know.”

Brock smiled. “Oh Steve, oh Stevie boy.”

“Don’t call me that. Just tell me how you know.”

“Okay fine. I saw you at the library the other day, you seemed to be pretty focused on something so of course, I took a little peak. You know, writing emails to your secret love is so nineties.”

Fuck. Steve thought he had been so careful with his email writing, but recently he had been so excited to respond to all of Iron Man’s emails that he hadn’t been able to wait until after school and he hated writing out long emails on his phone. God, this was all his fault, if only he had been able to keep it in his pants for just a little bit longer.

“Did you tell anyone?” Steve was digging his fingernails into his palms in an attempt to keep his cool. 

Brock only continued to smile and Steve reached out and grabbed Brock’s shoulder. “Did you tell anyone?” he asked again, but in a much lower voice.

“You’re not going to hurt me. Not here, not in front of all these people. Even if we were alone I don’t think you would hurt me. You’re too much of a wimp,” Brock said and Steve let go of his shoulder. “That’s what I thought. And before you go and freak out again, I didn’t tell anyone. And I’m not going to tell anyone.”

“You’re not?” Steve asked, feeling slightly out of breath like his asthma was acting up even though he had just taken his medicine. 

“No.”

“But that’s…so human of you?”

Brock had once glued a freshman to the toilet. He once took a shit in someone’s shoes during gym class. He loved his position as football captain because he had the authority to make them run until they puked. 

He wasn’t known for his kind nature.

In fact, Steve wasn’t exactly sure why Brock was their captain. His leadership style was more about fear than inspiration, but he supposed it did work in a fucked up sort of way. They were on an unprecedented winning streak this season.

“Oh, but don’t you see Steve? I know this big secret of your’s and I can tell anyone at any time. And we may be living in 2016, but I’m sure that there are some people who would not want to be sharing a locker room with some…” he looked up and down Steve’s body again before continuing, “so there may be one day when I need something and I hope you remember that.”

Brock slapped Steve’s shoulder and turned to shout at the rest of the team, “Hey! Whose house are we going to go get wasted at tonight?” There was a response of several cheers and hollers and Coach Coulson saying, “I didn’t hear that.”

Steve was just left standing there, staring off into the distance. 

That certainly changed things.

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Football  
Date: 10/21/16 10:21 pm

I’m sure you’re probably out celebrating with all your football bros, but just wanted to say good game. My friend who I went with served as my football interpreter and from what I can understand, the team is pretty good. I’m sure that’s all thanks to you. Of course, I have no idea what you look like, but I let my imagination run wild :)  
Anyways, that’s all I wanted to say. I’m about to go to bed at a reasonable time for once in my life, but I couldn’t do that until I congratulated you because I am basically your number one fan. 

Iron Man

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Football  
Date: 10/21/16 10:40 pm

Thanks a lot, Iron Man. And if you have any more questions about the game I can answer them. I do know a lot about football if I say so myself.  
The team did go out tonight, but I wasn’t in the mood. I received some…strange news at the end of the game and it’s kind of sent my head spinning.  
Totally hypothetical and not related to me at all, but if someone found out about you being gay and then was using that knowledge to maybe blackmail you, what would you do?  
Anyways, totally hypothetical.  
Very proud of you for going to bed at a reasonable time. Sleep is important, especially for my number one fan :)

Cap

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmaxrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re:Re: Football  
Date: 10/22/16 1:13 am

Did I say I was going to go to bed? Well, I tried, but then an idea popped into my head and I couldn’t sleep until I worked on it. But sleep is for weak people.  
Oh, that is quite a situation that you are definitely not in. I’ve had my fair share of people who have tried to blackmail me (long story, maybe I’ll tell you one day). My only advice is, don’t panic. This is probably someone else who goes to our school and what power do teenagers have? They can’t ruin your life without your permission. And this is probably totally overstepping my boundaries, but maybe this could be an opportunity for you to tell some people about you…the real you, the one that I know. From what you’ve told me, your friends and mom all sound amazing and supportive and they probably love you. They could help you with this situation…hypothetically.  
But of course, this is coming from me, a total hypocrite because I would never tell someone the truth about me and if I were being black mailed then I would probably threaten them or something extreme like that.  
But you’re a much better person than I am.

Iron Man

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Re:Re:Re: Football  
Date: 10/22/16 7:47 am

Sleep is not for the weak and there are hundreds of studies that prove that you are wrong. But continue to believe your lies to make yourself feel better.  
That is…actually some great advice. And I know that my friends and my mom love me, but I also know that I’ve been hiding from them for years and I don’t want them to be angry at me about that. But maybe this is the push that I need…because if this person knows the truth about me, why shouldn’t I tell my the people who I actually enjoy being around?  
I’m not a better person than you. We can just agree that we’re equally awesome.  
Also if you know anything about physics, please send help because I’m convinced that my teacher is out to kill me with their problem sets.

Cap

Steve spent the rest of the weekend trying to distract him from Brock and how he was being blackmailed and possibly coming out to his friends. He went for long runs, played video games at Sam’s, attempted to do some homework but then gave up in favor of shopping with Peggy. He sent some more emails to Iron Man.

Then it was Sunday night and his mom had the night off so they were eating dinner together. Steve felt his heart racing for no reason at all and his palms were clammy. His mom was in the middle of telling a story from work.

“And then Donna told her ex-boyfriend that she would tow his car if he ever came back and she threatened to put a restraining order on him. And all of this happened right in the waiting room, in front of our patients? Isn’t that nuts?” 

Screw it. If freaking Brock Rumlow knew, then his mom deserved to know.

“Mom, that’s a great story and all, but I have something to say.”

She immediately recognized Steve’s “serious” tone as she liked to call it and the smile disappeared from her face. “Of course, what is it, sweetie?”

Man, he should have practised in front of the mirror or something. He wasn’t sure he had ever said these words out loud…but here it went.

“I’m gay.” His voice cracked slightly, but that was it. Now here it came, time for the response. She was going to kick him out, disown him, laugh in his face.

But his mom only gave him the kindest smile and reached out for one of his hands. “That’s fine Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. There’s nothing you could say or be that would ever make me stop loving you.”

Steve gave a watery laugh and tried his best to keep the tears from leaking out of his eyes. “Thanks.”

“And to be honest, I always had my suspicions.”

“Mom!”

“A mother always knows, and you were not very discreet about your porn habits. Honey, next time, remember to clear your browser history”

“Mom!!” Steve felt a blush creep up on his neck, but all in all, he felt lighter…like if he let go of his mom’s hand, he would just fly up into the sky. He did it. He officially came out, and not just to someone over email, but to his actual mom. 

What a day. 

After a few beats, she let go of Steve’s hand and went back to eating. Back to normalcy. “Does anyone else know?” she asked.

“No.” He didn’t feel like explaining the whole Iron Man email thing or Brock blackmailing him. That seemed like too much to dump on his mom, especially after the whole gay thing. There was only so much he wanted to explain during a dinner table conversation.

“Not even Bucky?”

“No.” And there it was again, that crushing guilt over hiding his biggest secret from his oldest and best friend. 

His mom nodded. “Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do, since I know that teenagers hate being told what to, especially from their parents…but I feel like Bucky would love to hear about this part of your life. But take your time, this is your journey and your’s alone.”

Steve nodded and continued eating his dinner. 

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: AHH  
Date: 10/23/16 8:01 pm

Guess WHAT happened during dinner? Okay, I’ll tell you. I came out to my mom! And she didn’t freak out or anything! She was totally cool with it and like I knew she would be, but it’s still such a relief. She told me she always kind of knew because I guess she saw what kind of porn I watch, which…gross, but whatever. I don’t even know why I told you that.  
Anyways, I just want to say thank you. I feel like I couldn’t have done it without your encouragement and just…talking with you has been so great these past few weeks and just…I don’t know, I wish we could at least text or something. You’ve just become so important to me in such a short amount of time and I totally respect your right to privacy and all that. I just wanted to say that.  
And I hope that you had a great weekend because you deserve it.

Cap

PS I’m still smiling like an idiot because my mom knows! And supports me! How great is that?

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From:ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: AHH  
Date: 10/23/16 8:23 pm

Wow! That’s huge! That’s gigantic! I’m so proud of you Cap. And the fact that your mom knew from your porn history is hilarious. Also, do you not know that you’re supposed to clear your browser history for this exact scenario? Come on Cap, get into the twenty-first century.  
But, I am truly honoured that I inspired you to come out. I want to put that on my resume, “Professional Gay Consultant” or something like that. You’ve become so important to me too, I feel like I can tell you anything. But I think that’s exactly why I can’t give you my phone number just yet, or my name, or really…anything. I would feel weird telling you all of this if you knew who I really was. People often don’t like me and I don’t want you to be disappointed with who I am. I don’t think I could bear letting you down.  
You’re truly special Cap, and I don’t know if I deserve someone like you. So excuse me if I just want to keep this illusion going, if just for a little bit longer.

Your’s forever,  
Iron Man

“Where were you all weekend?” Bucky demanded the second Steve stepped out of his apartment.

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t even get to see you! Or congratulate you on winning on Friday night!”

“What are you talking about, Sam and I texted you on Saturday to come hang out.”

Bucky nodded, “Oh right, I was at Nat’s so…rain check?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You’re impossible, you know that? The second you get a girlfriend, it’s like we don’t even exist.”

“Is this going to turn into an argument? Because I don’t need that ruining my Monday because Monday’s already suck.”

“No. Just try and remember us, little people, while you’re with your girlfriend,” Steve said. 

Here was his chance…he could tell Bucky. He was still riding the high from coming out to his mom last night and while Iron Man’s email last night had been slightly soul-crushing and sad, it still said that Iron Man cared about him and that thought made his heart beat fast. Was Iron Man his secret email boyfriend? Maybe. Did that mean anything in the real world? Definitely not.

But anyway, back to Bucky.

“Hey, what are you thinking about in that big brain of yours? You’re pretty quiet this morning. You’re not actually mad about this weekend right because I’ll totally dump Nat in a heartbeat for you man. Don’t tell her that,” Bucky said after a few minutes of them walking in silence.

Steve took a deep breath. “Bucky…I’m gay.”

Steve couldn’t look at his friend’s face. He just stared down at his dirty sneakers and hoped that Bucky could forgive him for keeping it a secret for all these years. 

“Hey man,” Bucky said and reached out for Steve’s shoulder. Steve forced himself to look up and saw that there was nothing in Bucky’s expression except a soft smile. “That’s totally fine. In fact, it’s more than fine because now our friend group is that much more diverse. I was starting to think it was weird we didn’t have a token gay guy.”

Steve gave a soft laugh.

Bucky laughed too and then his expression became more serious. “But actually Steve…I don’t care what your sexuality is. We’ve been friends since we were four. I’ve seen you poop your pants and have asthma attacks and throw up and you’ve been by my side forever and this doesn’t change any of that. Except now I’m realizing how much of a complete asshole I’ve been with the whole operation get Steve a girlfriend.”

“It’s fine. You didn’t know.”

“Yeah, but I do know now! And now it’s official: operation get Steve a boyfriend has begun. That’s how accepting I am.” 

Bucky was laughing and Steve was laughing and then they were hugging. It wasn't a long hug because they were in the middle of the sidewalk outside of the subway station, but it meant a lot. 

Steve and Bucky broke apart and then Bucky slapped Steve’s arm. “Okay, let’s go to school. Does anyone else know?”

Steve shook his head. “Just you and my mom.”

Once again he didn’t feel like explaining Iron Man or Brock. That was his secret. His secret kinda boyfriend that he only emailed.

“Wow…when did you tell her?”

“Literally last night.”

“Oh shit. Well, I’m totally honored that you told me. And your secret is safe with me, I won’t tell anyone, not even Nat.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you think you’ll tell the rest of the gang?”

Steve had thought about that a lot over the weekend. He loved Sam and Peggy, they had been his friends since middle school and he knew it was probably biased of him to just tell Bucky and not them. But he wanted to take his time, start off with the inner circle and then move out to slightly less inner circle.

“Not yet. But I will soon. I’m just taking my time with this.”

Bucky nodded. “Totally understandable. But dude, thanks…really. I know that couldn’t have been easy for you and well…”

“It was nothing. And we don’t have to talk about our feelings anymore if you don’t want to.”

“Oh thank god.” 

They moved on to discuss the football game and Dr Doom’s physics homework and it was all so normal and it filled Steve with a happiness he couldn’t describe. 

His mom knew and loved him. Bucky knew and supported him. Iron Man knew and said that Steve was important to him.

It almost made him forget about crazy Brock and everything else in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is really becoming the story of coming out and acceptance, but is that so bad? I'm basing a lot on my own coming out experience which went a lot worse than Steve's. Anyways, I love all your feedback :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: A character says a homophobic slur. It's at the end of the chapter and is only once, but still, it happens.

The rest of the week passed in a sort of haze. Steve still hadn’t told Sam or Peggy about him being gay, but he didn’t feel the crushing guilt and loneliness that he used to feel before.

His mom had cut out a few articles about openly gay artists and their work and left them on the counter for him. Bucky had stopped talking about potential girlfriends for Steve and he made an attempt to get Steve to tell him what type of guy Steve was into. 

They were small gestures, but they still made Steve smile. 

But other than that, life continued on as normal. Sam and Peggy hounded him about not watching more TV and about getting invites to parties. They also were busy planning for Clint’s giant Halloween bash (which Steve did manage to secure official invites for all of them, well, it had been a text message, but that was as official as things got). 

Steve thought about telling Sam and Peggy a few times over the week, but he never got an opportune moment. They were always surrounded by strangers or in a hurry to get to class. 

So they were still in the dark. But he made it a goal to tell them very soon because he didn’t think it was fair that Bucky knew and they didn’t.

The situation with Brock had remained neutral. Brock didn’t bring it up with him again and he seemed to actually ignore Steve during practice. But Steve still felt the weight of his threat on his shoulders almost every day. The thought that at any second Brock could just tell the whole world his secret, that Brock could rob the whole coming out process from him…

But other than that, things were going great. 

Steve walked into his first class on Friday and took his usual seat next to Barton. Barton was quickly becoming his closest friend on the football team and he even sat with Steve and his friends during lunch the other day. Of course that probably mostly due to the fact that he was best friends with Natasha, but still. 

Steve’s social circle was expanding. 

Tony came in soon afterwards and took the desk directly in front of Steve. He turned around and plopped his hands on Steve’s desk. Steve jumped a little, this was definitely unexpected. 

His social circle definitely was expanding, but he didn’t think that it included Tony yet and this invasion of his desk space felt weirdly intimate…not in that way, but in a close friend way intimate.

Steve didn’t think Tony was cute. No, no way.

“Rogers. Is it true that you actually read the books assigned for English?”

Oh, this was going to be a homework related question. Steve tried not to feel disappointed. “Um…yeah, doesn’t everyone?”

Tony let out a sharp laugh. “Rogers, I don’t have time to sit down and read some book written by some old dude from like a hundred years ago. I have things to do.”

“Like what?” Barton asked with a raised eyebrow.

Tony stuck out his tongue at Barton and then turned his face back to Steve. “Anyways, I may or may not have a quiz next period about Fahrenheit 451 and I was wondering if you could give me a quick summary of the whole book and the major themes. Please? Pretty please?” Tony clasped his hands together and blinked his eyes rapidly.

Steve had never been good at saying no. “Ugh, fine. It’ll be super quick.” He reached down and pulled out his own copy of the book while Tony clapped his hands together.

“Oh, you are a lifesaver. You are an absolute lifesaver! Rogers, I owe you, my soul.”

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Can’t you just read the summary on Spark notes or something,” Barton said with a dull tone. 

“What? You expect me to read something? Like a peasant? If I were going to do that then I would actually read the book. But instead I have Steve-o here.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “You really think reading is for peasants?”

Tony let out a long and tired sigh. “No, I actually do the reading most of the time, but I was up late last night doing other, more important work and didn’t have time.”

Steve took a closer look at Tony and could see the bags under his eyes and his hair was looking like actual bed head today instead of his fake, styled bed head.

“Alright-“ he was interrupted by the bell and the arrival of the teacher. Tony groaned and turned back around to face the front.

“Okay, here’s the deal. I most likely have the flu and could not get a sub for the day. So you guys have today to catch up on any late work- Mr. Barton, you especially should take advantage of this opportunity.” And with that, Mrs. Hill took a seat at her desk and held her hand in her hands.

“Perfect,” Tony said and hopped back around to face Steve. “We got fifty minutes, teach me about Fahrenheit.”

Steve laughed and then gave Tony his best version of a summary that he could. Tony took diligent notes and even asked a few questions and when Steve finished he said, “Dude, you are the best. Are you going to Barton’s party tomorrow?”

Steve had originally been confused as to why a Halloween party was happening on Saturday before, and Sam had to explain to him the concept of Hallo-weekend. “No one actually parties on Halloween if it’s a weekday. Well, maybe if you’re in college you do, but definitely not mere high schoolers.”

“Yeah, are you?”

“Of course. I’ll bring you some nice liquor, it’ll be way better than any of the shit that Barton will be serving.”

Barton didn’t say anything, but he threw a paper ball at Tony’s head. Tony picked the ball up and threw it right back at Barton.

“So, what’s your poison? I don’t remember what you were drinking at Wilson’s the other week…you strike me as a vodka kind of guy.”

“I trust your judgement. That time you saw me, that had actually been the first time I had ever really been drunk,” Steve said and felt a blush creep up on his face.

He didn’t want Tony to think he was some sort of Grandpa like the rest of his friends, but he also didn’t want to lie about anything. That wasn’t the best way to start off a friendship and Steve actually did want to be his friend. 

“Oh, that’s even better. But man, let me just say, that for your first time ever drinking, you went pretty hard. I like it, go big or go home, am I right Barton?” 

Barton looked up from his calculus worksheet. “Can’t you two lovebirds leave me out of your conversation? I’m trying to get Hill off of my ass by actually doing my homework for once.”

Tony said something in response, but Steve didn’t register it at all. His mind was still obsessing over the fact that Barton had called them lovebirds. Did it look like they were flirting? Was Steve’s sexuality that obvious? Did Steve have a crush on Tony? Did that count as cheating on Iron Man? 

Things would be so much more simple if Iron Man would just tell Steve his identity. Or tell him if he wanted to be more than friends. Right now their emails were bordering on the edge of flirting, but Steve had never really flirted before so he could be reading the situation all wrong. He wished he could show the emails to Bucky and get his advice, but that felt like too much of a breach of Iron Man’s privacy.

Steve barely even recognized that the bell rang and Tony startled him out of his thoughts when he touched Steve’s shoulder. “Thanks again Steve. I’ll probably see you later today, or maybe at the game tonight. But if not, then I definitely will see you tomorrow with your reward.” He gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze and then his eyes lit up with surprise. “Damn Rogers, your shoulders are insane. Anyways, see you later.”

Tony gave him a quick wink and with that, he was gone. Steve was left sitting there like an idiot. 

What the fuck did that mean?

The rest of his classes passed in a blur. He did indeed see Tony again during their physics class, but Tony only gave him a quick wave. He tried his hardest to not be disappointed that Tony didn’t come over to talk to him or give him another shoulder squeeze.

Steve had made it a rule to not email Iron Man during school for obvious reasons, but he really wished he could risk just a quick one. He wanted to know if Iron Man would be coming to his football game that night, it was going to be the last home game for the rest of the season and he wanted Iron Man to see him at his best. He also wanted to ask Iron Man if it was technically cheating if he was starting to develop a crush on someone else. 

This was all a huge mess. He wasn't even sure if he had a crush on Tony or if he just wanted to be his friend. 

Also he was getting way ahead of himself. This whole freakout was just because Tony had grabbed his shoulder and complimented his body. Maybe this was all just an overreaction to having a boy touch him.

Steve decided to push aside all of his confusing feelings and just focus on things that made sense to him: school, football, and history documentaries.

“You seem kind of distracted,” Bucky said to him after the bell rang to let them out for physics.

Steve just shrugged. “I don’t know, I’m focused on the game tonight. If we win tonight we might stand a chance to make it to state.”

“You don’t really care about that.”

“You don’t know what I care about,” Steve snapped.

“Hey,” Bucky said and reached out for Steve’s arm. He touched him in almost the same spot that Tony had earlier. “What’s up?”

“I don’t know, it’s just been a long week and I actually am stressed about the game tonight and I have a test on Monday.” None of those things accounted for Steve’s bad mood, and he felt guilty about lying to Bucky. But this whole being out thing was new for both of them and somehow he doubted that Bucky would be able to give him any advice.

He wasn’t even sure what his problem was. 

Bucky seemed to buy his lame excuse and nodded. “It’ll be okay man. You guys will win tonight because Brock will kill all of you if you don’t and then tomorrow we’ll all get trashed at Barton’s and forget about our troubles.”

Oh man. Brock. He almost forgot about that whole situation.

This really was not his day.

They won their last home game of the season. The crowd went wild for the final touchdown. Steve actually managed to focus during the game and played his best yet. A not so small part of him hoped that Iron Man had come out to watch him. 

The team was still standing on the field. Half of them were discussing their chances for state and the other half were debating on whose house they were going to host the after party at.

Steve was just standing by the water cooler, his eyes searching the stands. He saw Sam and Peggy and his mom and a bunch of strangers. A voice disturbed him from his search.

“So, Rogers.”

“What do you want Brock?” Steve turned and could barely keep the disgust off of his face. Brock’s face was red and sweaty and he was still holding his helmet in his hand. 

“Good game out there. You keep playing like that and we’ll be unstoppable.”

“I know you didn’t come over to discuss the game.”

Brock rolled his eyes. “Fine, no small talk. So I’ve been thinking-“

“That’s a first.”

“Wow, original much? Anyways, I’ve been thinking about our little deal we have.”

“What deal? You mean the one were you’re blackmailing me?”

“I wouldn’t call it blackmail unless I want money from you, which I don’t. And I already told you, I’m not going to out you, I’m not that much of a dick. But I could be persuaded to be even more secretive with that information if you do one little thing for me.”

“And that is?”

“You’re friends with Peggy right?”

“I’m not going to pimp out my friend.”

“You have got to cool it with the whole wholesome all American boy, it’s really overdone you know that right? Like it wouldn’t kill you to have a little bit of grey morality.”

“The answer is no.”

“Okay, how about this. Are you going to Barton’s house party tomorrow right? Get Peggy to talk to me and I’ll do the rest. There, not pimping?” Brock gave him a big smile.

Steve did not smile in return. “Why can’t you get her on your own? Do you really need to stoop so low just to get a girl to talk to you?”

Brock’s smile disappeared. “Oh Rogers, I have amazing game. It’s just Peggy has this crazy idea in her head that I’m some sort of douchebag.”

“I have no idea why she would think that.”

“Oh shut it, Rogers, like you’re so perfect.” Brock punched Steve in the chest and turned to walk away. “Think about it, Rogers. This one simple act and your secret will be kept safe forever.”

Steve groaned and covered his face with his hands. 

“Cheer up! We won man!”

“Shut up Lang,” Steve grumbled from behind his hands.

This really was not his day.

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Ugh  
Date: 10/28/16 11:21 pm

Hey Iron Man  
I’m going to get real with you, it’s been a rough day. I don’t even know why it was so terrible. We won our game, my classes were easy. One of my teachers even gave us a free period because they were sick. So why did it suck??  
I guess I’m just confused about us. What are we? I want to be more than friends with you Iron Man. I want to know everything about you and I hope you feel the same about me. And it’s hard because I feel like I might like someone else and I don’t want to be having these feelings because I have you, but also you won’t tell me anything about yourself and…I hope you can see why I’m confused.  
I know you feel like everything will change once we know each other’s identities, but I don’t think it will!   
What are you so afraid of? I’m not afraid of telling you who I am. Why are you? Do you really think so low of me? 

Cap

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Ugh  
Date: 10/28/16 2:01 am

I don’t know what to tell you Cap. I thought we could have more time, but if this is how you feel then maybe you should pursue that guy in real life and forget about me. 

Steve was having a really hard time relaxing. He didn’t even really want to come to Barton’s party, but Sam and Bucky and Peggy were not taking no for an answer. They had all come to his house and forced him into a costume and now here he was.

So here he was in his gladiator costume. Having fun.

“You look like someone killed your dog,” Tony said as he came to stand next to Steve in his corner. Tony was dressed as an astronaut and that made Steve smile just a little. 

“Yeah, it’s been a rough week.”

“Wanna get drunk?” Tony asked and held up what looked like a very fancy bottle of vodka. “Told you I would bring the good stuff.”

Steve nodded enthusiastically and held out his empty solo cup. “Thanks,” he said as Tony poured him a generous amount. He took a sip and it definitely burned, but not in the same way that the alcohol had last time. He didn’t like it, but he didn’t hate it. 

He took another sip. Yeah, it was definitely growing on him.

Tony gave him a smile. “It’s good, right? Way better than the shit that you get at these parties.”

“You said this is your dad’s? Won’t he notice a whole bottle is missing?”

Tony gave a sharp laugh. “Oh Rogers. One of the benefits of having a billionaire alcoholic father is that he never notices when a bottle goes missing. I always bring my own stuff, especially when Barton is hosting.”

Steve frowned at hearing Tony talk about his father. “Sounds like quite a man, your dad.”

Tony took his own sip of vodka, but this was straight from the bottle. “That is not a topic for a party, but yeah…he’s not the best, but he’s the only one I got so…gotta make do.”

The two of them stood in silence for a few heartbeats. Tony was standing so close to him that he could feel Tony’s body heat and if he moved just so their arms would touch.

A small part of him felt guilty about Iron Man but then he remembered that Iron Man had essentially dumped him earlier. So fuck that guy.

The song changed to something that Steve actually recognized. It was probably the vodka talking, but he got an idea. “Wanna go dance?”

Tony gave his body a once over and nodded. “Sure.” He took another shot from his bottle and took Steve’s hand in his own. He led the two of them out into the middle of the dance floor and began to dance.

There was a fair amount of space between their bodies, but every now and then someone would bump into one of them and Steve would crash into Tony or vice versa. It definitely wasn’t Steve’s best dancing, but he was actually managing to have fun. 

Him and Tony started to inch closer and Steve was just beginning to forget about the completely shitty week he had been having when they were interrupted.

“Rhodey!” Tony yelled and turned away from Steve to give the intruder a giant hug. Steve’s smile melted off from his face as he saw Tony embrace the stranger. Great, just when he had started to forget his problems, a new one arrived.

“Steve, this is my friend Rhodey. He used to go here but moved away last year, but he came back!” Tony said excitedly. Steve could barely hear Tony over the sound of the music and people shouting.

Steve nodded and gave Tony’s friend a handshake. He then gestured towards the bathroom and Tony nodded. Tony then turned right back to Rhodey and didn’t watch as Steve made his way away from the two.

He wasn’t sulking. He definitely wasn’t sulking. Tony was allowed to have friends other than Steve. In fact, that would be weird if Tony didn’t have friends other than him. He just wished that if he couldn’t have Iron Man, then at least he could possibly have Tony.

Steve supposed that he didn’t deserve either of them.

He didn’t have to go to the bathroom so he made his way towards Sam and Peggy who were standing by the kitchen. 

Peggy was Wonder woman and Sam was Batman. And they were both much drunker than he was.

“Steveeeeee!” Sam shouted and threw his arm around Steve’s shoulders. “I haven’t seen you since the last time I saw you.”

“That is how that works.” Steve looked at Peggy and then remembered his promise to Brock. “Oh, Peggy. You should go see Brock.”

Peggy stuck out her tongue. “Ew. Why would I do that?”

Maybe it was from the pain of being rejected by Iron Man or maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was because Steve was just reaching his absolute limit with everything. “Because Brock is blackmailing and if you don’t then he’ll tell everyone I’m gay.”

Sam and Peggy’s mouths both dropped open. “Oh shit,” Sam said.

“I’m on it!” Peggy shouted and headed off into the crowd in search of Brock.

Steve probably should feel relief or happiness or really anything. But he didn't know what he felt. 

“Dude, that’s like, so cool, you know, we’re like not homophobic at all. I mean, I’ve definitely made some bad jokes, but I totally didn’t mean any of them.” Sam was rambling and Steve wasn’t really listening to anything he was saying. 

“It’s fine.”

Sam reached out and grabbed Steve’s chin. “Hey. Listen to me. I love you. So. Much. Now, what’s bothering you?”

Steve sighed. “I just was essentially rejected by this guy today and I guess I’m…sad.” Tipsy Steve was not very good with his words, but Sam seemed to get the message.

“Dude…that sucks. But we are at a party and we should party. Because that is what sad people do when they are at a party.”

Steve could not argue with that logic and he followed Sam to the kitchen to get another drink.

The rest of the night was a blur. He remembered drinking a lot more, dancing some. Sam might have kissed his forehead at one point. Bucky spilt a beer on him. He didn’t see Tony again.

The night was winding down and Steve was nursing his final beer of the night. He was standing with Bucky and waiting while Bucky attempted to figure out how to call an Uber. 

Bucky was way more drunk than Steve was.

Sam had gone home a little bit earlier and Steve hadn’t seen Peggy since he had drunk admitted his sexuality a few hours earlier. He also hadn’t seen Tony since their dance together and he tried not to let that depress him too much.

“Fuck Bucky, how hard is it to call an Uber?” Steve asked after a few minutes. All he wanted to do was go home and lie in his bed for the rest of his life.

“I’m trying, but I swear to god my keyboard is like in Arabic or something.”

Steve rolled his eyes and looked up to see Brock approaching him. From the way he was walking, Steve could tell that Brock was very drunk. 

Man, his night just kept getting better.

Brock grabbed Steve’s shoulder and leaned in way too close for comfort. Steve could smell the alcohol on Brock’s breath and it made him want to throw up. “Steve. Peggy is great. Thanks. You’re…the best.”

Steve shoved Brock back and Brock stumbled a few steps before he finally stood upright. Brock kept on talking. “You know, it’s a really good thing you kept your word. Now I don’t have to tell everyone about you being a fag.”

Bucky’s head snapped up from his phone. “What did you just call him?”

Brock gave a soft smile. “You didn’t know? Steve-o here is gay.”

Everyone who was still at the party was watching the situation pan out. There weren’t a lot of people left, but it was enough.

Steve was beginning to be convinced that he was inside an actual nightmare. This was not happening. Maybe if he closed his eyes he wouldn’t be here anymore. He would be back in his bed and no one would know he was gay and his mom would be making pancakes.

Yeah, he would much rather be there.

Bucky took a few steps towards Brock. “Hey. This is your last warning, stop talking Brock.”

“Or what?” Brock said.

Bucky sighed and then he punched Brock in the face.

“Oh shit!” Steve shouted. There were several gasps and Brock shouted out an obscenity. Bucky just moved back to stand by Steve’s side.

“I told you to shut up,” Bucky said. “Let’s go, I think our ride is here.”

“Bucky, you could go to jail, why did you do that…oh my god Bucky.”

“Steve, shut up.”

Steve allowed Bucky to lead him out of the house. The last thing he saw before the door to Barton’s house was Brock holding his nose and screaming and very far in the back was Tony watching it with an expressionless face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! Action! I feel like Steve is kind of like a damsel in distress, but he's going to take control of his destiny soon.  
> I love all of your comments and I love all of you!


	5. Chapter 5

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: No Subject  
Date: 10/30/16 11:21 am

I don’t even know why I’m writing to you. You made it pretty obvious that you didn’t want to talk to me anymore, but I guess I’m just used to talking to you whenever things go wrong.  
Basically last night, my whole secret was blown up in front of well…the whole universe. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go to school tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m supposed to do anything anymore. I know that it won’t really matter, but still…I worry. You know I can’t help but worry and panic and…  
I’m sure that you probably will have heard about what happened last night. And if you haven’t, you certainly will very soon.  
I guess it could be nice now that everyone knows. But that’s not how I wanted to tell the world. I feel like my opportunity to control my secret has been ripped away from me. My control over anything has been ripped away.  
Please respond. We don’t have to keep talking if you don’t want, but if you have any advice please tell me.

Cap  
I guess it’s stupid to keep using my secret identity since you probably already know who I am. 

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: No Subject  
Date: 10/30/16 10:55 pm

I did find out what happened last night…  
I know who you are. Actually, I’ve had a hunch for a long time. And this only confirms my suspicion that you can never know who I am.  
You deserve more than what I can offer. And I don’t think I can handle your rejection so…this will be my last email to you.  
I just want to say thank you for everything. And I trust that you will have an amazing future ahead of you and you’ll have all the gay and bisexual dudes from school lining up to get the chance to even talk to you.

Your’s always  
Iron Man  
It was a pleasure to burn.

To: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
From: thecaptain@gmail.com  
Subject: Fuck you  
Date: 10/31/16 12:01 am

You know what Iron Man. Fuck you. We’ve been talking for weeks and that’s it? Because of some weird deep insecurities you have? You know what? You suck. I thought you were the one, the one who could possibly make being gay worth all this pain and embarrassment and you were the first one who knew this giant secret about me and you are so smart and funny and great and it’s just totally unfair that you know who I am and I’ll never get to know your true identity.  
And now what? You know who I am and you’re disappointed? Am I not who you thought I was? I feel like I deserve an answer after all this, but I know I won’t because you want to know why? You’re a coward.  
I had my biggest secret in the world blurted out at a house party by a total drunk douche bag. And yes, I did cry some today and yes the thought of going to school tomorrow makes my stomach sick, but you know what, I’m going to go. Because you can’t hide from the truth forever and the truth is that we could have been amazing together and you’re the only thing that’s preventing that from happening.

So goodbye.  
Steve

 

Steve had spent all day Sunday hungover and dealing with the fallout of Barton’ party. He made Bucky call Brock and apologize for breaking Brock’s nose. Bucky definitely had not been happy that he had to apologize to Brock, but he did agree that it was their best plan of action to prevent any further recuperation. And Steve had made the argument that he still had to deal with Brock for the remainder of the football season.

He also visited Sam and Peggy and told them about his sexuality completely sober, he cried a little to his mom, and he finished his calculus homework.

And he definitely did not think about Iron Man. He was done with that chapter in his life. It had been great while it lasted, to have a secret gay email pen pal, but now he didn’t need secrets. His whole sexuality was out in the world for everyone to scrutinize and there was no hiding now.

So maybe it was right that his relationship with Iron Man ended as he came out. Maybe they were only meant to be together in the shadows. Maybe Iron Man just had too many issues for him to ever come out of the closet with Steve.

And just maybe one day he would be alright with that fact. But right now, the thought of Iron Man was like a giant bruise on his heart. Every now and then he would press on it to see if it still hurt.

It did still hurt.

Steve walked out of his house to see Bucky waiting on his porch, eating a large bag of candy corn. 

“Candy for breakfast?” Steve asked.

Bucky threw a piece of candy corn at his face. “It’s Halloween you jackass. And I punched a dude in the face for you this weekend so you think you would be a little nicer to me.”

“Thank you again, Bucky for breaking Brock’s nose. You’re my hero.”

“Ugh, no I don’t want to be a hero, way too much pressure. I’d much rather be the cool sidekick with the great hair.”

Steve pushed his friend and then reached a hand into Bucky’s bag for a handful of candy corn. They continued on their usual route to school and talked about homework and memories of trick or treating and everything except what had happened at Barton’s party.

It wasn’t until they were within sight of the school that Bucky stopped Steve. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? People at this school love drama and this is bound to be a bloodbath. We can still just skip and go egg Brock’s house or something.”

Steve looked at the school and took a deep breath. It was a scary thought, all those people in there discussing him…his sexuality…and what was even scarier was the thought that Iron Man was in there and he knew Steve’s identity. What if they made eye contact? What if he was in one of Steve’s classes?

But he knew he had to go. 

“No, let’s go,” he said and gave Bucky a reassuring smile.

Bucky still did not look convinced, but they continued on regardless. 

School passed in a strange haze. Some people gave him nods, some people came up to him and offered their words of support, the other openly gay kids in school came up and gave him tight hugs. But most people just ignored him, some actually seemed intimidated by him (or it probably more due to Bucky at his side, Bucky was almost more of a school legend than him and some people even wanted a selfie with him). 

It just struck Steve as all so…normal. And by the time football practice, the large knot that had taken place in his stomach was almost gone.

Almost.

He was in the locker room getting ready for practice when he overheard it. “I just don’t know why we have to have him in here? Shouldn’t there be a different locker room for people like him?”

He didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself and continued to focus on tying his shoes. The quicker he got dressed, the quicker he would be out on the field and could take out all his frustration during some tackling drills.

The person kept talking and their voice got a little louder. “I just don’t see how it’s fair to have someone like him in here. Like what if he looks at my dick? Isn’t that kind of gross?”

Steve could place the voice now. It was Justin Hammer, one of their kickers. He and Steve had never been friends, but he had thought that they at least got along.

“Like, would we put a dude in the women’s locker room? I just don’t see how it’s any different.” Hammer was even louder now. 

Okay, this was getting a little ridiculous. Steve looked up from his shoes and decided that it was time to ask Hammer to step outside. “Do you have a problem with me? Maybe we should talk outside.”

“Oh, why? Got a crush on me?” Hammer said, but no one laughed. “I’m not going anywhere with you until you agree to not come into our locker room.”

Steve clenched his fists and was trying his hardest to keep his calm and not punch Hammer in the face when Barton stood up. 

“Hey, Hammer, shut the fuck up. None of us has a problem with Steve being here, it’s just you. And no one wants to look at your crooked dick, not even your mom.”

Hammer crossed his arms. “I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here. You know he likes dick?” Hammer said and pointed at Steve.

Barton rolled his eyes. “Oh my god, get over it. Steve has always been gay and it’s never been a problem, so why change now. And you can always change in the stall, actually please do that because I’m sick of looking at your weird birthmarks.”

A few of the other members laughed and Hammer’s face turned bright red. Steve smiled and a few seconds later they could hear Coach yelling at them to “Get their asses on the field!”  
Steve grabbed Barton’s shoulder, “Hey…thanks for that.”

Barton shrugged. “It’s nothing. You’re a chill dude and Hammer sucks. No brainer. Plus like…” he leaned in a little closer, “I might be bisexual myself...or not, I don't know, still figuring it all out. But you coming to school today and not taking shit from anyone…it’s, it’s inspiring." Then Barton gave a slight cough and patted Steve on the shoulder before running as fast as he could out of the locker room. 

Steve was left standing in shock, but then he followed Barton back out to the field.

The rest of the week passed without much excitement. Football practice took up a lot of his time as they were getting ready for their big game on Friday. It was Districts on Friday and if they won this game, then they would move on to Area and if they won Area, they were on to State and if they won that…well, they’d be champions.

Steve pretended like he didn’t care, but he really did care. He loved his team and was thankful for their support, even after the whole Hammer incident. In fact, after Hammer’s outbursts, several members of the team had come out to him and told him about how much they hated Hammer and that they didn’t mind Steve’s sexuality at all.

“With your athletic ability and body, you can look at me naked wherever you want as long as you keep playing,” Scott Lang had told him one day after practice.

Steve had grimaced. “That’s weird, but I appreciate it.”

Barton was an official member of Steve’s lunch table and they even hung out after practice a few times. They didn’t discuss Barton’s sexuality, and Steve didn’t want to pressure him. He knew how hard it was to figure it all out, so he was happy to let Barton figure it out on his own time.

They won their game on Friday night and Steve felt exhilarated. He hugged his teammates, yelled, and poured water all over Hammer. It was a good night.

During the bus ride home, Steve was bone tired, but he couldn’t sleep. His body was still racing with adrenaline and his mind was going over the highlights from the game and what he could improve on for next week. 

Then, somehow, his brain turned to Iron Man.

He had been so busy during the week that he hadn’t really given Iron Man any thought at all. A small part of him felt guilty, but then he remembered how it all had ended and how Iron Man basically said that since he knew who Steve was they couldn’t be together.

Bruise on his heart. Still hurt.

Steve pulled up his phone and logged into the email account he used to email Iron Man. He hadn’t checked it since his last email and he wasn’t going to lie and say he wasn’t disappointed that there were no new emails. 

Steve pulled up Iron Man’s last email. Yep. There it was, the pain and rejection. 

It was a pleasure to burn.

Burn what? His heart into a million pieces? All of his hopes and dreams? Okay, maybe he was being a little dramatic, but he was really tired.

But really, that last line didn’t make any sense. Iron Man had never ended his emails with a line like that before and Steve had a feeling that this had to mean something. And it sounded familiar…really familiar.

Why was it familiar?

Steve forced his tired brain to think back to any connections he could make. Maybe this was a sign, maybe Iron Man wanted him to know his identity…maybe he had to prove himself worthy, or it was some sort of test?

God. He really was tired. None of this made sense.

It probably was just some stupid Iron Man thing.

Steve closed his phone and leaned his head against the window. There was still enough time for him to get in a decent power nap before they got back to school. 

Just as Steve was about to doze off, but then it came to him.

Fahrenheit 451! That was one of the quintessential quotes from the book, “It was a pleasure to burn.”

But what the hell did Ray Bradbury’s book have anything to do with his and Iron Man’s relationship? Was Iron Man in his English class? 

He quickly tried to think of everyone in his English class. He couldn’t think of anyone. Steve was wide awake now and was scanning the bus for anyone who was also in his English class who might be able to help him.

Then his eyes fell on Barton and he remembered that day in Calculus when a frazzled Tony Stark had run in and asked if Steve read the books for English, more specifically if he had read Fahrenheit 451.

But no…it couldn’t be? Tony had had girlfriends in the past. He was a billionaire. What insecurities could he possibly have? And Tony had barely spoken to him in the past week. Steve had simply taken that as a sign that their almost grind fest at Barton’s party had been overstepping their boundaries and things were just weird now.

But what if was because of something else? Because Tony was Iron Man. 

The more Steve thought about it, the more things began to click into place. Iron Man had always gone on and on about his desire for privacy because everything in Tony’s life was so public. Both Iron Man and Tony stayed up late into the night working on various projects. And Tony had only really started to talk to Steve once they started emailing.

Maybe Tony had known all along. 

A part of him wanted to be angry at Tony, but the only thing he could feel was relief. Relief at finally figuring it all out. And he wanted to laugh at himself.

He had spent a whole week stressed the fact that he might have been cheating on Iron Man because of his crush on Tony, but really they had been the same person!

Man, he bet Tony thought he was some sort of an idiot. 

He wanted to email Tony right away and let him know that he had figured out Tony’s riddle, but then he hesitated. Tony had been so hesitant to tell him who he was and Steve didn’t want to spook him off with some big declaration of love. 

No, he had to be sneaky with this. It was obvious that Tony had deep-rooted insecurities and he didn’t think he was worthy enough for Steve, which was totally ridiculous. If anything, Steve wasn’t worthy of Tony because Tony was a fucking billionaire and smart and had beautiful hair and was witty and was a great dancer.

Man, they were perfect for each other.

He was going to need some help from someone who actually knew how to do relationships.

Steve pulled out his phone and texted Bucky. 

I need your help. It’s part of operation get Steve a boyfriend.

Bucky responded quickly and it was simple.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY MY TIME HAS COME.

Steve didn’t know what he was going to do, but he knew one thing. He had the biggest crush in the world on one Tony Stark. And quite possibly Tony Stark had a crush on him, Steve Rogers. 

Steve ignored the mass of texts that Bucky kept sending him and leaned his head back against the window, this time with a small smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a super exciting chapter, but things are happening! ah! Will Tony and Steve ever kiss? Maybe (no they definitely will and it'll be super soon).


	6. Chapter 6

“So, let me see if I have this straight. You’ve been emailing this dude for like the past weeks, under the alias of Captain America.”

Steve nodded.

“And you guys are both gay and both in the closet, well you’re not anymore. And you would talk about your feelings and stuff. And then when he finds out who you are, he just like dumps you.”

Steve nodded again.

Bucky sighed. “Steve, I don’t know what I can do with this. When you texted me, I thought you had like an actual guy in mind, not some random internet persona. For all, we know this is someone catfishing you.”

“No, Bucky, you don’t understand. I know who he is.”

“Oh shit, that changes everything.”

“I know.”

“Well, who is it?” Bucky scooted even closer to Steve on the couch.

Steve waited for a pause, wanting to build up the anticipation. This was the first time he was telling Bucky, well the first time he was telling anyone for that matter. Iron Man/Tony had been his little secret for what felt like forever, but now it was time for the truth.

Steve was done with hiding important things from his friends.

“It’s Tony Stark.”

Bucky clutched his heart. “Jesus Steve. That is well that is certainly something.”

Steve laughed. “Yeah…it is.”

“I mean, he’s like basically a celebrity. He went to the Oscars last year! I mean, I know like people are over it at school and whatever, but still…he’s a big deal. Are you sure it’s him? Like sure, sure?”

“Yes.”

“Because if we’re wrong, we’re through. Like his family can literally destroy us, blast us right off the map.”

Steve reached out and grabbed Bucky’s wrist. “I am one hundred percent positive that my secret email boyfriend is the Tony Stark. He left me…a sort of code in his last email. Something only I could figure out.”

“Dear god Steve that is straight out of a love story. You really are out of your depths, but luckily for you, I am the love guru.”

“You’ve had one girlfriend. And she had to ask you out!”

“Yes, but that was this summer. I’ve learned a lot in the past few months. Nat is a great teacher,” he gave Steve a wink and Steve mocked throwing up.

“Please…don’t tell me these things.”

“Dude, Tony is probably some sort of sex god.”

“Please. Bucky. Focus.”

“Right, yes. I’m just saying.” Bucky waggled his eyebrows at Steve and Steve pushed him. “Ow, that hurt. You have to watch it with your giant man shoulders, you’re not some scrawny dude anymore.”

“Bucky! Are you going to help me or not?”

“Is that even a question? You know this has been my actual reason for living for the past year. You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy and if a certain Tony Stark can make you happy…well, I am here for that shit. So, what’s your plan?”

“I don’t know…we didn’t exactly end on good terms.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. “Ugh, don’t be so melodramatic. Did you say you guys like got really deep in your emails and stuff? And you guys talk at school right?” Steve nodded. “He obviously likes you!”

“Then why did he push me away?”

“Because he’s afraid of rejection! He jumped the gun and dumped you before you could tell him no first.”

“That’s ridiculous, I wasn’t going to dump him.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that. Maybe he was worried you would be angry at him for hiding his identity or something like that. Anyways, we don’t have time to wonder about his motivations. This meeting is about the future, not the past.”

Steve smiled as his friend rambled on to himself about possible date locations and various romantic comedies he had seen. “Why aren’t there more romcoms about gay men? That would make my job a lot easier.”

He had spent all of last night going through every email that Iron Man had sent him. Now that he knew it was Tony, so many things had made so much sense. The constant talk of wanting privacy, of living in his whole life in the public’s eye, being an outsider at school. Steve couldn’t think of any friends that Tony had at school…there was his friend from the party, but Tony had said that he didn’t go to school with them. 

He saw Tony hang out with random people, but he wasn’t sure he had a core group like Steve did. Tony hadn’t been going to their school for very long, but he assumed that based on the number of posts about him on their school Tumblr that he was popular.

He supposed that was just the illusion of fame. Iron Man’s emails told a different story, one of loneliness. 

It makes Steve’s heartache and he wanted to go back and slap himself for never inviting Tony to come sit with him at lunch or study together after school.

It had always been Tony who approached him, never the opposite. 

No wonder Tony thought he didn’t like him. No wonder Tony was so spooked whenever Steve pressured him to reveal his real identity. When had he ever given the impression at school that Steve was interested in Tony at all?

And by now Steve had figured out that Tony probably knew it had been Steve the whole time. He hadn’t exactly been secretive, he told him who his teachers were and dropped hints about his friends and even told him he was on the freaking football team.

God, he would be the worst spy.

But Bucky was right, there was no use in dwelling on the past. Now the question remained, how could he convince Tony that he liked him? That he wanted Tony Stark? That he possibly loved him, and not for his fame or his money.

No. He loved Tony for his wit and his humor and his cute nose. He loved how Tony listened, both in his emails and in real life. When Steve had been explaining the plot of Fahrenheit 451, Tony had been looking at him like he was the only important thing in the world.

No one looked at him like that. Not even Bucky.

When Tony looked at him, he felt seen. He felt validated. He just needed to find a way to return that feeling of validation. 

That was why he had Bucky.

“Hey-“ Steve said and interrupted Bucky who had been in the middle of recounting his first date with Nat. It was a story he had heard at least twenty times. They had gone to a carnival. They had kissed on the Ferris wheel. The rest was history. “I don’t think any of that will work. Tony won’t want something big and public…that’s been his whole life.”

“Okay, so what? We put on an intimate candlelit dinner or something?” 

“No…not like that. I want it to be personal, something that would show that I know him.”

“Well, the only things I know about Tony Stark is that he’s rich, he has brown hair, he’s in our physics class, and according to the school Tumblr he chugged ten beers at Thor Odinson’s house and then puked on his adopted brother. Legend.”

The school Tumblr…that was where they had first interacted. Tony’s post about being in the closet had struck such a deep chord with him that it lit the fire that had started their whole relationship. He had never seen himself reflected so honestly in another human being. 

“I have an idea!” Steve said and jumped off the couch to grab his computer. He raced back before Bucky had even had the chance to speak.

He opened up his computer and pulled up the Tumblr page.

“I thought you said you wanted it to be intimate. Everyone on school looks at this shit.”

“Yeah, but they won’t know it’s from me. Or even that it’s about him. It’s public and intimate at the same thing.”

Steve’s fingers hesitated as he processed Bucky’s words. Bucky was right, this was going exactly against what he had said earlier…but then Steve started typing. He knew Tony wasn’t going to check his emails and he didn’t want to corner him at school, that felt a little predatory.

And he didn't have Tony’s number so his options were limited.

No, this was a good choice. And hopefully Tony would think that it was romantic that he was reaching out to him on the very same platform that they had “met” on.

Steve took a deep breath and looked at what he had written.

Sometimes one can only understand the past through the lens of the present. I could not see what was in front of me and I fear that I will lose you forever because of it. You were the one who saw me unlike anyone ever had and you accepted me. I see you now and I love you even more for it. I was a fool, a damned fool.   
I show my ignorance now and hope that it will end with your forgiveness.   
I pray you do not doubt my words. I have never been more certain of anything in my life.   
Scout's Honor.   
Your ever faithful, ever foolish, ever loving  
Captain America

“Damn…that’s beautiful Steve,” Bucky said breathlessly. 

Steve couldn’t look at Bucky for he was too busy looking at his own words. He clicked the post button and then leaned back.

The only thing he could do now was to wait.

They played video games and attempted to do some homework. Bucky eventually left to go hang out with Nat, but he told Steve to call him immediately with any updates. Steve promised he would and then he went up to his room to sit and watch his email.

He was sure that if Tony were to respond it would be through an email.

That was sort of their thing.

It was almost seven hours after he posted on Tumblr that it happened.

He had mail.

To: thecaptain@gmail.com  
From: ironmanrox@gmail.com  
Subject: No Subject  
Date: 11/05/16 5:35 pm

Bryson Park.  
7:00 tonight.

 

Nothing else. Steve was still grinning at the words.

The next hour was one of the longest in his whole life. He paced up and down his room, changed his shirt at least ten times, and then took to just staring out the window. Finally, it came time for him to leave.

Bryson Park was only a twenty-minute walk from his house. It was only early November and winter still had not arrived so he was fine with just an outer jacket.

Steve spent the whole walk rehearsing his answers to hypothetical questions that Tony might ask him.

Why did you choose to post on Tumblr? I thought it might be romantic.

How come your last email was so angry? I was confused and an idiot. I thought you were a coward but now I see that you are so very brave. It was me that was being a coward. 

How come we never hung out at school? I was intimidated by your status as a billionaire. And I low-key had a crush on you, but then that made me confused because I thought I had a virtual boyfriend. 

Then he had arrived.

The park wasn’t too big, only a few blocks, and he didn’t have to look for very long to see the other figure sitting on a bench not ten feet away from him.

It was Tony.

The street lamps were casting shadows across his face that made him look like a being from another world. He did not look real, with his designer coat and perfectly styled hair and large, expressive eyes that were staring up at Steve.

Those eyes looked like they hid the secrets of the universe in them. Steve almost could believe that Tony was from another time, another world. 

They just stared at each other for a few moments before Tony stood up and Steve felt his feet carry him towards him.

All of his practised responses flew out of his head and now he was just standing there like a mute idiot. 

He was here. He came. 

Iron Man and Captain America together at last.

“I’m sorry!” Steve practically blurted out after a few moments of silence.

Tony raised an eyebrow. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes! I shouldn’t have been so angry at you in my last email and I should have talked to you more at school and invited you to come sit with me at lunch or something! I just was so intimidated by you and I had a huge crush on you but then I was stressed about cheating on Iron Man and now I realize how stupid that is. And I only figured it out that it was you like last night because I’m an idiot…so sorry.”

Smooth. So smooth.

But then Tony was smiling and then he was laughing. And Steve was laughing. And they were both laughing and he couldn’t even explain why, but it was ethereal.

“I thought I had to apologize to you!” Tony said after their giggles had ended.

“No, you don’t have to.”

“But I want to.” Tony took a deep breath. “It’s just…hard with the whole having a rich and famous dad and there’s all this pressure on me to be the best and be the smartest and take over my father’s legacy. And I used to go to this super fancy, elite school but then I wanted to be…normal so I came here. And my dad was so angry and made me promise to take up more work at the company in exchange for the transfer. And it was nice, except people all had these expectations of me. And all of that is without adding in the whole gay situation. So one night I just got drunk and posted on that stupid stupid tumblr and what’s next, but some stranger messages me and he turns out to be this great, smart, eloquent man…and well-“

“Tony,” Steve started, but Tony held up a hand.

“No, I want to finish. I knew it was you from almost the beginning. You are not very good at having a secret identity. And I knew all about you, all American boy, used to be this tiny little ball of fire who would fight for the little guy. And now you’re some sort of giant football star with amazing shoulders. You’re kind, you’ve been friends with the same people since you were five. And you were gay…it was just, so nice. And I don’t know, I just could never imagine a world where we would mix. We just came from two different worlds and my father taught me that when that happens…it never ends well. So…I’m sorry for underestimating your goodness Steven Rogers. And then you write that…amazing post and even if you were to come here and dump me, I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try.”

Steve reached out ever so slowly and touched Tony’s face. Tony closed his eyes and leaned into his hands, so trusting, so beautiful.

Steve thought he might cry.

“We are just…” Steve started.

“Two complete idiots who don’t know how to communicate properly.”

“Yes.”

“Steve…can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

It was so soft, a whisper that might as well have been the wind. But Tony heard it and with Steve’s hands still on his face, they moved ever so closer until their lips touched.

It was better than Steve could have ever imagined…the lightest touch, and then deeper as they both realized that this was something they wanted. Steve never wanted to stop kissing, never wanted to stop touching Tony…oh god, this was real. This was something that he could have and no one was going to come and rip it away from him.

They parted and didn’t say anything. The kiss lingered in the night air, a silent promise of what was to come. 

“That was-“ Tony started, but Steve shushed him with another kiss.

There was no need for words right now. 

They kissed for a few minutes more and then finally parted for good. Tony had his hands on Steve’s shoulder and Steve was holding his forearms. He didn’t want to let go, wanted something to ground him to reality.

Tony kissed him.

He kissed Tony.

He was grinning like a fool.

“You have a nice smile,” Tony said. His voice was barely a whisper even though they were completely alone in the park. Steve liked it, like they were sharing secrets. 

“You have a nice nose.”

“Why didn’t we do this sooner?”

“Because you thought I hated you and I thought I had a crush on two separate people who turned out to be the same person.”

“Touche.”

“So…” Steve was almost afraid to ask the question. He didn’t want to break the fantasy, but he had to hear it from Tony himself. “Are we like dating now?”

Tony hit Steve on his shoulder. “Oh my god, we just spend like ten minutes making out and you ask me if we’re dating. I swear I have no idea how you’ve managed to survive so far in the world.”

“So…that’s a yes?”

“Yes! If you’ll have me that is.”

“Okay, starting now, we both need to cut it with the whole self-deprecation stuff. I like you and you like me. No strings attached. No more self-doubt, no more what if Steve doesn’t really like me, and no more making my decisions for me.”

“Deal. Only if you promise me to be a better communicator and keep telling me what happens in all the dumb assigned reading we have to do.”

“I think I can do that.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I hope so.”

They were silent again and it was nice. Steve knew he eventually had to go back home, but he didn’t want to let go of Tony just yet. They only had their first kiss once and he wanted to remember everything about this night. Tony’s eyes, the way the lights cast shadows around them, the stars in the sky, and the way Tony had bared his soul to him.

That made him think of something. Tony was still in the closet. 

“You know…it’s weird, being out,” he started. “I’m not going to pressure you or anything, and if you want this to be a secret, then I’m alright with that. Well, Bucky knows, but he won’t tell anyone.”

Tony didn’t say anything and Steve kept talking because he was a nervous rambler.

“I thought people would treat me weird, but really it’s kind of nice. It sort of helps you figure out what people really think and most people, they don’t care. It’s scary, but it’s also exhilarating, being yourself.”

Tony nodded. “I-I don’t want to be a secret with you. I mean, look at you, everyone should see that I landed this hot piece of ass.”

Steve blushed slightly. He wasn’t sure he would ever get used to being conventionally attractive or having people like Tony give him compliments. But he supposed he would have to get used to it now that they were dating.

They were dating.

“I guess I never really cared that people just assumed I was straight. I never did anything to prove them wrong, I had like girlfriends if you can even call them that. I just sort of like having this one part of me secret…but now, well…there’s a bigger incentive to tell people. And I know it must have sucked to have Brock tell everyone at that party.”

Steve had almost forgotten that Tony had been at Barton’s that horrible night.

“Yeah, that had not been fun. Well, seeing Bucky punch Brock was fun, but the rest…not so much.”

“I’m sure. But then you just kept on going and damn Steve…that took guts.”

“I was so scared that people were going to like throw eggs at me, but no one did. And you know what, people don’t even mention it to me and it happened like a week ago.” Steve reached out and held Tony’s chin. “Like I said, I’m not going to pressure you to do anything, but it really sucked having someone like Brock tell the world my secret. He stole that opportunity from me.”

“You’re saying I should tell the world before someone does it for me.”

“No. I’m saying that you should take control of your identity and don’t let anyone rob that from you, not even me. This is who you are and you deserve the chance to come out of the closet the way you want to. And if you want me, I’ll be right by your side.”

“Steve, how many times do I have to say it. I want you.”

Steve smiled and they kissed once more. 

“This has been the perfect night,” Steve said as they broke apart.

“I never want it to end.”

Just as Tony said that, Steve felt his phone buzz in his pocket. It was probably his mother yelling at him to come home and eat dinner. 

Tony must have seen the expression change on Steve’s face and he took a step backwards. “You gotta go?”

“Yeah, my mom. But Tony, this does not end tonight. I’m in this for the long haul.”

Tony smiled. “Me too.” He stepped back and gave Steve a big hug. Steve wrapped his arms around his smaller boyfriend and smiled into Tony’s hair.

“Can you give me your phone number? I realized I don’t have it and I don’t really want to keep emailing you.”

Tony laughed.

Steve smiled. It was all perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just saw Black Panther and WOW I loved it.   
> Was this chapter super flowery and fluffy and just...gay?  
> Yes. Do I regret it? Not at all.  
> I don't know how much more of this story is left, not much. It has really been the story of accepting yourself and loving yourself, and now our heroes are starting on that path.   
> A lot of Steve's thoughts come from my own experience of the first time I ever met another person who had been in the closet and just being like wow! We have so many similar thoughts and life experiences!   
> As always, I loveeeee your feedback.


	7. Chapter 7

“Can you stop smiling like that? It’s freaking me out.” 

“Sorry,” Steve said. He wasn’t sorry. He didn’t stop smiling.

He was standing next to Bucky on the subway. There was a man with horrendous body odor standing next to him and he overslept that morning and didn’t get to eat breakfast.

But he was just so damn happy.

He had a boyfriend. An honest to god, beautiful, smart, real boyfriend. He told Bucky every single detail of his midnight meeting with Tony and their kiss and he probably went into too much detail but he couldn’t help it.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and Steve laughed as he read Tony’s text. 

“Oh my god, this is almost pathetic to watch,” Bucky said next to him.

“You were way worse when you first started to date Nat.”

“No way.”

“Way. And you were the one who was all about getting me a boyfriend. Mission accomplished.”

Bucky sighed. “I have truly created a monster. What have I done to humanity?”

“Don’t be so melodramatic.”

“I kid, I kid,” Bucky said. The train stopped and they hopped out and started the quick walk to school. “You know I’m happy for you and all that.”

“Yes, I know. I also know that making fun of me is your default so I stopped taking it seriously a long time ago.”

“So I’m not intimidating?”

“Not in the slightest.”

“Tell Brock Rumlow that. He practically wetted himself when I looked at him the other day. Made me feel good, not going to lie.”

Bucky continued to ramble on about other ways he could possibly scare Brock and what he could do with his new found power. Steve wasn’t exactly listening, he was more focused on what waited for him at school.

He didn’t get to see Tony at all yesterday and even though they had barely been dating for twenty-four hours, he missed him. Now that he had Tony, he wanted to spend all the time in the world with him, while still giving him space and letting him live his own life.

There was also a small part of him that wondered if Tony would acknowledge him as his boyfriend at school. He knew that they discussed it at length on Saturday and that Tony had promised him over and over again that this wasn’t going to be a secret relationship.

But still…Steve was practically a professional at overthinking things. And this thought made his stomach churn.

“Don’t be nervous dude.” Bucky must have noticed Steve’s solemn attitude as they approached the school. “He’s not going to break up with you.”

“That wasn’t what I was afraid of!” Steve hesitated. “You don’t think he will? What if he changed his mind? Oh man, did I already mess up?” Steve pulled out his phone to make sure that Tony hadn’t already sent him a break-up text.

Bucky groaned. “Steve, buddy, I love you, but you have to go take a chill pill. And why don’t you see who is waiting for you.”

Steve looked up from his phone to see Tony standing at the entrance to the school. He was shifting nervously from foot to foot and his face brightened when he saw Bucky and Steve approaching. He lifted his hand in a small wave.

All of his fears immediately melted away. How could he have already doubted Tony so soon into their relationship? Here he was waiting for him.

He was smiling again.

“Hi,” Tony said as they approached.

“Hi,” Steve said in return. They didn’t say anything else and just stood in silence.

“You two are idiots,” Bucky said. “I’m going to go to class and leave you lovebirds to it. Bye Steve. Bye Tony.”

Neither Steve nor Tony acknowledged Bucky’s departure.

“How was your Sunday?” Steve asked after a pause. He wasn’t sure what to say…small talk seemed so arbitrary after all they had learned about each other, after their kiss…

Tony groaned. “My dad made me go to all these boring meetings for the company. Amazingly enough, hearing a bunch of old men discuss finances can be boring!” He reached out and grabbed Steve’s hand. It was the lightest touch as if Tony was scared of what the reaction would be.

Steve responded by clasping Tony’s hand in his own. He didn’t plan on letting go. “That sounds better than mine at least. Brock insisted on having Sunday practice to prepare for our big game this week. Doing push-ups on a Sunday was not fun.”

“Well, at least you survived and get to see my beautiful face.”

Steve had to agree, it was indeed a beautiful face. “Yeah…that truly is a plus.”

Tony blushed and looked away. “Wanna go to class?”

“Definitely.”

They didn’t let go of each other’s hands as they walked to class. Steve saw Sam, Peggy, and Bucky out of the corner of his eye. Sam gave him a thumbs up and Peggy mouthed the words: “Great job.”

No one bothered them on their way to Calculus. In fact, no one even seemed to notice that Steve and Tony existed at all. Everyone was going about their normal Monday business, catching up on homework, talking with friends, rushing to class. 

It was nice. 

Steve exchanged a look with Tony and could see that he also seemed pleased with the fact that their relationship wasn’t causing a huge spectacle.

When they entered their Calculus class, Barton was already sitting at his usual desk. He looked up and narrowed his eyes at the sight of Tony and Steve holding hands.

Steve sat next to Barton and Tony took the seat right in front of him. Barton waited approximately .2 seconds before saying, “Alright, when did this happen? Has this been going on the whole time?”

“It’s…complicated,” Steve said, not knowing how much of their whole relationship he wanted to share. When did it begin? Back when they first started emailing each other, when they kissed, when they were born? 

“Saturday,” Tony clarified. “Thought I have had the biggest crush on Steve since, well, since the beginning of school.”

“Alright, I don’t need the gross details. Just promise me you’ll keep your lovemaking to a minimum.”

“We’re not going to be having sex in the classroom,” Tony said. Steve felt a blush creep on his face at the thought of having sex with Tony. Did Tony want to have sex? Did he want to have it soon? He couldn’t even imagine what that would look like…feel like…

“I think you broke your boyfriend,” Barton said.

“Aw, do you think I can return him for a full refund?” Tony said, but he reached out and touched Steve’s bicep in a soothing manner. 

“Gross,” Barton said.

Tony just gave Steve a wink and Steve laughed in return.

Steve didn’t see Tony again until it was lunchtime and Tony plopped himself right by Steve at his lunch table. “Oh, hey,” Steve managed to say. Even though they were dating, he hadn’t expected Tony to come sit at his lunch table. 

“Oh hey? That’s all you have to say to me, your loving boyfriend?”

“No, I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you to come sit with me.”

Tony rolled your eyes. “You really have been taking too many footballs to the head, Rogers. Besides, I had to come meet all of your darling friends. Hi, Tony Stark,” he said and reached out his hand across the table to shake Peggy’s and Sam’s hands.

“Hi…” Sam said, looking a little lost.

“We met once before, at Thor’s house,” Peggy said, but she shook Tony’s hand regardless.

“I know. But I thought I should introduce myself properly and not just as Tony Stark, billionaire. Now I’m Tony Stark, Steve’s boyfriend.”

“Welcome to the table of losers,” Bucky said. 

“Speak for yourself,” Sam said and threw a french fry at Bucky. Bucky responded by throwing his roll at Sam.

“You’re sure you want to hang out with my friends? They’re children,” Steve whispered into Tony’s ear.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I want to be wherever you are,” Tony said.

“You’re a sap.” 

Tony just stuck his tongue out at Steve. “I take it all back. You'll definitely fit in with my friends because you are also a child,” Steve said in response.

The rest of the school week passed in a blur of Tony, football, and some schoolwork. Every time he thought of something funny, he would send it to Tony, he complained about teachers to Tony, he talked about his relationship with his mom. And Tony responded in kind with his own memes and stories of working with his dad and late nights finishing projects.

It was just like his emails with Iron Man, except this time there were no secret identities and he got to kiss Tony whenever he wanted.

They held hands in school and that was the extent of their PDA. Mostly because Steve didn’t think he could handle the teasing that his friends were sure to give him if they ever saw him and Tony kissing, but also there was still a part of him that feared any negative reaction from the rest of the school.

But yet…no one had hazed them, there were no comments during football practice, both Hammer and Brock kept their mouths shut about Steve’s sexuality. Some people told him how he and Tony were a cute couple, but all in all, …it was all so normal.

And Steve relished in that fact. Being normal.

For so long he had seen his sexuality as something separate from him, something to hide. But this thing with Tony, he didn’t want to hide it. He wanted to show the world his adoration for his boyfriend, wanted to take Tony on dates and do all the things that normal, straight couples did.

And he was starting to see that just maybe he could do that. He could take his boyfriend out for ice cream and to prom and hold his hand and life would just continue on.

It may have taken some secret identities and Bucky punching Brock at a party for him to come to this realization, but it was better late than never.

That Friday was their last football game before state and against all odds, they won. They had been up against the previous year’s state champions and Steve’s team had never even made it this far in the playoffs before, but somehow they did it.

Maybe it was the team rallying together under the ideals of trust and teamwork and tolerance. But more likely it had been Brock and Coach Coulson’s countless hours of drills and late night practices that did the trick.

They still had one more game to go, but somehow, Steve already felt like they were champions. They had defeated one of the best teams in the state, he had real friends on the football field, and he had a boyfriend waiting for him back home. There was nothing else he could want, not even the state championship.

Well, maybe he wanted that just a little bit.

Steve was discussing the game with Lang when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see a sheepish Tony standing in front of him.

“What! What are you doing here?” Their game had been an away game, almost three hours away from home in fact. Tony hadn’t said anything about coming earlier, his freaking mom hadn’t even come.

“I wanted to surprise you! I hope that’s okay. You were awesome out there! You were like,” Tony mimicked throwing a football but then gave up. “You know what I mean.”

“Tony-of course it’s okay you came. You came! To my game! Wow!”

“You’re shouting a lot.”

“Sorry, I have a lot of adrenaline still from the game. In fact, I just gotta do something.” And he grabbed Tony by the waist and pulled him in and gave him a giant kiss. 

He had always loved the part in the sports movies where the guy had won the game and then his girlfriend would run up to him and they would have an amazing, movie-perfect kiss right there on the field.

And now, that was his life. He was living that right now with his boyfriend.

And it was perfect.

His heart was pumping and he was still in his sweaty uniform and his legs were sore from running, but none of that mattered.

Even though they had barely been dating for a week, Tony had driven all this way to Steve’s game.

He cared. He really cared.

They broke apart from their kiss and a quick look around him let him know that nobody had been watching, nobody had been taking pictures or mocking him. He knew that it would probably take a while for the paranoia to go away, this checking around himself every time they kissed or hugged in public.

Tony reached up and touched Steve’s face. “Hey, I don't think anyone cares.”

“Isn’t it great?”

“So great.”

“It’s just us two. Captain America-“

“And Iron Man,” Tony finished for him. Steve smiled and leaned down for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's done!  
> There could be a lot more, but I feel that this story has accomplished what I set out to do. I'm not super happy with this last chapter, but I hope y'all enjoy a bunch of fluff for your endings.   
> I had a lot of fun writing this! I haven't written fanfiction in a long time and hearing all of your comments made me so happy! I'll definitely be writing more, so keep a look out. Or not if you hated this story and my writing style :)  
> Thanks for all your love :)


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